I can honestly say at this moment, I'm not stressed (Well, only about the scene I have to memorize for acting by tomorrow, but I am in the same boat as most of my class so no worries there, haha)
But really, I feel as if my heart is full and I am happy. I don't think I have really been THIS happy in a while.
Last night was our production of This is What Happens When- it went great! I am a little sad that it's over, but relieved at the same time. It went off pretty much without a hitch- and we had a superb audience! I had such a fun time performing it and I really loved our cast! =]

Also, I got the part of Pam/Popo in Fat Men in Skirts! I have to say, though, that the walk up the stairs to the office to see the cast list was probably the most nerve-wracking walk ever. First of all, I was not cast in the season this semester, and then the majority of all my friends just found out they got cast for next semester's shows and we were all rejoicing... but the cast list for Fat Men was not up yet so I had to wait until this morning to find out. I am just SO eager to finally show the department that I can do MORE than musical theatre! That is really the most exciting part about it. But anyways, all of this was riding on me getting this part- and I did! So I am just crazy excited about it =]
I'm also SO proud of everyone else who got cast!

Add to that how happy that Matt-y makes me... and yeah. My life is pretty much amazing at the moment. =]

they say i'm crazy- i got your crazy.

I am aware that I have not written a blog since GTC.
Well here is the updated info on that situation:
No, I did not get passed on. And even though I feel like lately I have just been not been having good luck in the auditions department this year so far... I am weirdly okay with it. I mean, there were some really good people that did not get passed on and you never really know exactly what the judges are looking for!

The sucky thing about that situation is that now I have no idea what I will be doing this summer. I know, for one that I do not want to be working at Midsummer Macon or Express. I suppose I just need to have faith that something will come along that will be worth my while...

I just feel like I'm working so hard sometimes and that it's not getting anywhere and it really sucks. I want so badly to be an actress, and I KNOW that is what I want to do and I know somehow it will work out. But right now I'm just feeling inadequate or something, idk. But the next general auditions are coming up this Thursday, and I'm excited to see how that turns out. Also, my show goes up exactly a week from today and I'm really excited about that too.

OH and I can't not mention this boy.. hehe... he makes me so extremely happy. =]

Krispy. Kremey.

So I am sitting in my hotel room at GTC. My audition was earlier today, it was the first time in a while that I've auditioned and after it was over I felt really great about it. Hopefully I will get passed on to SETC and have the chance to audition in front of professional theatre companies! I will be so excited if I do. But if not, I will try to not be upset as they are only passing through 40% of auditionees. Scary, I know!
Regardless, I did my best and that is all I can do. If they liked me, great, if not, then I can always try again next year. There are plenty of talented people that have not gotten passed on for whatever reason, so I will not be totally upset.
But I REALLY want to be passed on so I will have a greater possibility of having a job this summer! That would be fantastic.
But anyways. I really do feel as if I have gained 10+ lbs. in the span of 2 days. It started with the trip to Krispy Kreme yesterday evening and since then I've eaten Zaxbys, more Krispy Kreme, Pizza, Wendys and finished it off with you guessed it....Krispy Kreme. UHH why do I do this to myself!?
Although I realized today in the dressing room at Ross that I can still wear a size 2 jeans. WOO!

smiles and candy corn.

So I realized that I have not written a blog in a long time... weeks, even.
The truth is, I have been so ridiculously busy and stressed that I guess I didn't even think about it. But regardless, judging from my last post it seems as if the tables are turning in my life...

So there's this boy...
I actually never expected things to turn out the way they did but they have and I am just really happy. I feel totally comfortable with him, and he makes me smile so much... =]

But at the same time, alongside the warm fuzzy feelings that come with a new romance, I am scared. And it has absolutely nothing to do with him .
I just don't want to get hurt. (Well, Obviously, nobody does!) Nor do I want to hurt him either. Like I said before, I feel like I suck at being a girlfriend.

It's just that the fact of being in a bonafide relationship again scares me a little bit. Well, actually- I think it's not even being in a relationship- just putting myself out there is what scares me, because the last time I did that I found out that it was all in vain. And it sucked to find that out. I don't want to be lied to or played around with- I don't deserve that at all. And that is not saying in ANY way that the guy I am currently seeing is like that because I truly do not believe he is like that at all... it just is a shame that I have become so jaded on relationships in general.

I'm just going to have to forget about the things other guys have done... and just focus on how happy I am when I am with him... and how he even helps me relax- a word that seems to have disappeared from my vocabulary due to all the stress I put myself through!

Although lately the stress has been lifted a bit- Batboy is over, I just finished the last of directing scenes this month, no more Basic Design projects for a while.... all I have left is GTC (I'm number 4), and then Richard's freestage- "This is What Happens When." (Which, by the way, is going to be super fun and everyone needs to come see it Nov. 3rd at 5!) Although soon general auditions are coming up again... and so is Boy Gets Girl.

I really want to be cast next semester, so finding a super awesome audition piece is going to be imperative. I am longing for a chance to show off that I CAN do straight plays, too! I love musicals and all, but I feel as if I haven't been given a chance really to show that I know how to actually act. But hopefully things will work out in my favor!

Anyways. Life is good right now. I'm super happy and I'm going to embrace the happiness in my life.

Be gentle with me.

As much as I go around saying that I really don't want a boyfriend due to how incapacitated I am at being a good girlfriend anymore...
I just feel like I want someone to just like me for ME, genuinely. ALL strange, weird, crazy, stupid parts of me. I think there must be someone out there that would not just think that I am pretty when I fix my hair and dress up like normal, but someone who can see all those hideous pictures of me on facebook and still think the same thing. Someone who would not just buy me flowers, but who would get me those stupid greeting cards with cats on them that I love. I want someone to not just think I'm funny and amusing, but someone that would listen to me when I am crying and tell me everything will be okay. I want someone that is not just going to show up to a performance of mine because I ask them to, but someone who will help me run lines when I am stressed out about being off book the next day, or who won't mind listening to musicals with me. I want someone who is completely content to share a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey with me while watching flight of the conchords or even America's next top model marathons. Someone who is willing to open their heart to me, and someone who I will not be afraid to open mine to.
Now, I am not miserable because I am not in a relationship by NO means. If anything, I enjoy being single because I hate to feel tied down to anything, and it's not like I hook up with random guys or anything either, because that's just not me. And I'm not the type of girl that is going to throw herself on any guy or force guys to pay attention to me either.
I am content, but sometimes I just wonder if there is even a guy like that out there. Sometimes I tend to lose faith in men, period.

I want someone to prove me wrong.

Do the Whirlwind.

As I am sitting here, listening to "Do the Whirlwind" by Architecture in Helsinki, procrastinating finishing my furniture for my Basic Design project that I abhor, I am definitely feeling like the world "whirlwind" is a great analogy for my life at the moment. I am just stressed right now, as I definitely should be working on my basic design project which is due Tuesday, I also need to find a really demanding acting activity for Acting class, I need to figure out a new song to sing for GTC (Apparently the one I had didn't show off my range enough.), I need to be off book for a directing scene that goes up Tuesday, as well as 2 other scenes that go up in a couple weeks, I need to be working on top of all of that to make the money which I seem to be spending at an alarming rate. On top of that throw in rehearsals for Richard's freestage which is super fun to do. We rehearsed Show off for about 3 hours yesterday... and it is pretty intense. I need to increase my stamina so I can belt that note at the end without getting tired because at the moment, after 6 cartwheels, tap dancing, splits, and being lifted in the air numerous times, I cannot do it without faltering. But I should be able to do it soon!


Some good things about my life at the moment, however, are as follows:
I'm getting a scooter today! I didn't realize how fun it really was until I borrowed Robin's and scooted around Broadway. It was actually pretty funny because there was a biker rally going on and several bikers commented on it and one guy took a picture of me on the scooter in front of a Harley. Apparently they were all amused. Haha.

I've been lots of fun hanging out with people I didn't hang out with at all barely last year. It doesn't mean that I don't enjoy being with the friends I've had before.

I am enjoying being able to sing again, I really love the freestage I am in, and it should be pretty sahweettt.

So yeah. That is my life right now.
I'm stressed out alot of the time, but I am having fun. Not having guy drama is always nice, too.

There ain't no party like my nana's tea party Hey! Ho!

Lately I've been in this strange mood.
I feel like I am in this alternate universe sometimes.... it's strange.
India called it the "Sophomore Slump" And I do believe that is an accurate term. A slump. And I'm not really sure why I am feeling like this... but I do hope it stops soon!
I am in this constant state of almost like self-loathing where I feel like I look disgusting, I am unattractive, and am just stupid. To make matters worse I keep getting into these binge-eating phases where my brain just does not tell me to stop eating and I end up gorging myself on food and then feeling horrible afterwards. It's an awful habit, I know but it's like...sometimes I feel like food controls me and it is weird but I feel as if it is a psychological thing that I wish I could fix. =/
I wish I didn't let my weight bother me so much but it does.
Bah.

So to put myself in a better mood I will watch Flight of the Conchords.
(BTW: If you have not seen it, it is the funniest show EVER.)
Here are a couple clips for you guys.
They are a folk-comedy duo that do kind of novelty songs that are just hilarious such as this one:



And now a word about racism: