Obsessions as of late.

Saunas.
Chill frozen yogurt.
The Fresh Market.
Pink lipgloss.
Scheduling.
Planning.
Organizing.
Cleaning.
Murad and BeFine skincare products.
High Intensity Interval Training.
Candy Corn.
Sweet potatoes.

That being said, I have a question-
I was joking with EJ and said I should write for the saber, and maybe do articles on fashion, health, beauty tips, etc.- and he said that it would be an actually feasible thing.

Do you think I should do it? Let me know! I mean I already do it on my 2 blogs I update. Might as well get paid for it haha.

shabooommm

So things are a little well, crazy to say the least. I have been furiously working on my directing analysis, and that's finally done so YAY on that. I started rehearsals for my directing scene last night and I'm really excited about it. It's a French farce, really over-the-top ridiculous but tons of fun! It's a little tiring rehearsing that after rehearsing Spelling Bee, but at least today I get a little break seeing as I only have to be there from 8:45-9:30 tonight. Wee!

So that's nice.

Oh and another thing- I semi-quit Red Robin. Well, I'm on "pick-up only" status, which means that I'm still employed but not on the schedule and can just pick up shifts whenever I need to. Which won't be often, I can guarantee you that, seeing as I got this nice sum of money from CSU RANDOMLY. I really can't explain how I got it, other than just the world being on my side :)

So because of that sum of money, I really don't NEED the job this semester at all, and subsequently have become more and more annoyed with the place. It's just little things that are annoying me that I don't want to get into on a public forum, but it's really just my mind shifting priorities. Now that school/rehearsals have started I've got theatre, and my schoolwork and graduating on the brain and my life AFTER college mainly- and I just can't wrap my head around stressing myself about minute things at work that really are not benefiting me in the long I have no desire to make a career out of being a server at a burger place. But I mean, that's just me.

So I think that the next time I get a job, I really want to work somewhere where I feel some sort of fulfillment, where I am really benefiting people more, or getting something more out of it. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being picky b/c my financial situation is better :P But hey, one could have worse problems in life.

So other than that, I've just been rehearsing, preparing for GTC, and bettering myself. I'm feeling wonderful now that I've been working out very regularly again like I used to, and I've been eating very healthily and I just feel great! I'm shedding this summer weight slowly but surely and by the time I graduate I'll be in tip top condition!

Another reason I want to be in great shape is because I really think I would like to pursue some modeling on the side as well. (I know, I already do too much haha) But after doing these shoots with Damonee recently, I just really see how much fun it is and I started a Model Mayhem account- (A networking tool for models, photographers, makeup artists, etc. I already had one for makeup artist work but I opened up another one solely for modeling) and I've gotten alot of positive feedback and offers to work with other local photographers and things once I have more time which is exciting! I'm not trying to be a runway model or anything, obviously seeing as I am 5'2," but I think I could definitely look into some commercial modeling. I think it's fun, and who knows! I'm just taking everything that comes at me, really.

I'm just rollin' with the punches and trying to be proactive with life- and I feel that if you are and remain positive that doors will open for you! So life is good. :)

And so it begins.

....wow.
So I've just completed my first week of school and I am beat.
I can tell it's going to be one of THOSE semesters if you know what I mean. Yeah. Those semesters where I will no doubt blog something like "I'm so overwhelmed!" at some point. But it happens.
I think I'm just really tired because of Spelling Bee rehearsals mainly, so when that's over with I'm sure it will be a little bit better...
Speaking of, I'm really enjoying getting to know the show, we've finally blocked the whole thing and it feels pretty good. I'm loving my part and really sinking my teeth into the whole thing. It's tiresome for my voice, however. It's a vocally demanding show, especially for me as I'm blowing out high G's and A's all over the place, but as long as I take care of myself I will be fine! It just means no going to places where people are smoking heavily, and just staying hydrated and healthy.

Speaking of being healthy, I've been going to the gym almost everyday and I am already starting to see some results! I feel so much better, and you will never believe that I am waking up at like 6:45 some days to go before class, but I am, and I have already lost a few pounds in a week or so. I'm not really out on this mission to lose all this weight, but I know that I have put on some extra weight this summer especially, and it's just like "soft around the edges" weight, nothing really substantial. I just want to be really toned mainly and get my body in gear for whenever I graduate! Seeing as I have this membership for the year that I am paying for, it will really motivate me to continue to go which is nice, and I can also go to all the gyms in the area which is super convenient once my schedule allows for me to take some more classes!
I just want to be in the best shape of my life when I graduate! It helps that school starts when it comes to eating right too, because I just pack all my food for the whole day basically. And when I only pack healthy things, that's what I eat! Also, if I'm in a real bind, the Market on broadway now has all these yummy healthy things like Amy's organic meals and tons of new healthy stuff that I can eat! :) It makes me very happy to see that.

But anyways, I'm excited for what the semester has in store. I'm still waiting to hear back from the Springer regarding HSM casting, but as far as I know they are still in the process, so who knows. If that doesn't work out, it's just opening a way for something else to work out so I'm not that worried.

I'm just staying positive in general and trying to make it through this last year until I finally get to really live my life! Can't wait! :)

Back to the grind!

So long, summer!
I've enjoyed you, but it is time to say goodbye.

So this week I have already started rehearsals for "The 25th Annual Putnam Co. Spelling Bee." So far it has been a very pleasant process, even if the rehearsals have been long and tiresome...(1-6 every day, with barely any breaks usually.)

But it has been nice to actually have a great role and to be able to sing alot as well as work on character stuff! I can tell this show is going to be great. The cast is alot of fun to work with, and everything seems pretty pleasant. I love working with Michael, too!

Before Spelling Bee started I visited Augusta for about a week. It was alot of fun, I got to see my uncle from Germany that I haven't seen in about 6 years, and just do fun stuff like go shopping with my mom and hang out with friends and things. To be honest, it may be one of the last times I even visit Augusta, as I found out my Stepdad may be accepting a job in St. Petersburg, FL. But that is not set in stone- he just applied for it. But it seems as if he has the qualifications and it is a definite possibility. That is weird to think about as Augusta has pretty much always been my home base and all, but it would be kind of cool too! (Just a longer drive though- ugh.)

But in other news of my life, I joined Gold's Gym yesterday! And I went on "Open House" so I got the enrollment fee waived which is very, very nice...
But anyways I joined the Gold's Gym on Veterans near Moon Rd...and the facilities there are amazing. It's HUGE...and there are so many machines and even a "cardio cinema" Where they play a different movie everyday on loop in a dark room with large TV screens and treadmills and cardio machines so you can go in and watch a movie while you workout! haha. And I can go to any Gold's gym in the area as well as Fitness for Women, which is nice when I don't feel like getting creeped on by guys as that tends to happen at gyms. But the best part is that I can use all their classes too, so I can just pick and choose from whichever fits my schedule. I LOVE classes at gyms, as they really motivate me and I love to be pushed by an ACTUAL person, ya know? Plus there are fun classes like ZUMBA (Which is so incredibly fun) and Kickboxing and things like that.
I'm really focusing on using this last year before I move to really better myself in many ways- being fit is one of them. Now I know I'm not necessarily overweight or anything like that, I just want to be in great shape. And I have gained a little bit of weight during the summer that I need shed! Haha. But I'm sure that if I continue this membership (which I will,) until next summer- there is NO WAY I won't be in the best shape of my life. Seeing as last summer I had a FREE membership and went all the time for a few months and lost weight and felt great. So I know that if I'm paying I will find a way to fit it in almost everyday. I mean...it's open 24 hours! haha.

In other theatrical news, I received another callback from the Springer that is going to be this Saturday! Wee! It is exciting to be considered for both of the female leads there. I really had a great time working there on "Peter Pan," and it would be a really great experience and credit on my resume as well! So that is cool. :)

Friday is theatre convo. I can't wait to see all the fresh meat in the theatre department! Bwahaha! haha. No but really...it's extremely bizarre to think that I will be a Senior this year at Convo... very weird.

I'm not really ready for all my classes to start yet to be honest, but let's hope I'm ready by Monday! Ha!


BTW: If you are in the mood for something delicious- you NEED to stop by Chill frozen yogurt beside Smoothie King and Subway in the Whittlesey shopping center. (Its on the side where Bed Bath & Beyond is.) It is just amazing. It's a self-serve frozen yogurt place with so many great toppings and you pay by weight so it's really up to you how much it costs. My favorite thing to get is half vanilla/half strawberry with gummi bears, sprinkles, capn crunch berries, and fruity pebbles.... that is when I'm feeling "bad!" haha. They also have fruit and things.. and then chocolately toppings if you're into that sort of thing. But yeah. I'm pretty much obsessed with it and think about going there all the time but I usually can fight it off. But not every time...

Connect.

As I watch movies, read plays and other literature and read relationship articles in Cosmo and the like- I realize something. I don't think like the average woman. I more often than not actually empathize more with the male in the situation. You see it all the time, the man who is afraid to commit and is flaky, and the woman who just wants a relationship and to feel needed. More often than not, the woman is the one who is afraid to seem 'desperate' in the relationship, and is more dependent, while the man just wants to go out and have fun or focus on his career, leaving the woman to wonder just what is going on. I see it all the time in people around me- girls that won't leave their jerk boyfriends because they can't stand to be alone, or girls that are desperately seeking some sort of romantic fulfillment at all times.

I never identify with those women.

I get annoyed at books and plays in which the female character is whiny about a man and I feel as though the reader is supposed to be on her side in these situations. I usually am not.

Another realization I had- I have actually NEVER had my heart broken. I mean, sure I've had minor disappointments, but never have I actually been with someone that meant the world to me and had my heart crushed by them by them by deciding to break up with me. I mean, I have definitely had hardships in relationships and I have been hurt, but not in that way. And yet at the same time, I feel that in all my relationships I am the one that does the breaking up and causes hurt in the other.

It honestly gets tiring!

Maybe I just have never actually been in love.

I think at times I close myself and never allow myself to really connect with the person I'm in the relationship with, or I let other things get in the way. Sometimes I'm so focused on my career and my goals and what I want to do all the time that I just can't worry about someone else. As horrible as that sounds, and I know it does sound horrible!

But I find that I have problems connecting with others in general. I mean sure, I have alot of friendly acquaintances that I see alot during school and such and I feel as if I am well-liked (at least I hope!) But I only have a very small amount of friends that I really hang out with on a one-on-one basis. Which is fine with me, but I just wonder what that says about me ya know? Now, I'm sure if I asked there are alot more people that would probably respond to an invitation from me to go hang out or something, but I feel like unless its in a bigger group, if they are not really really close friends of mine, I'm just afraid of something being awkward, or feeling like I have to entertain someone. I don't know. It's really weird, I know!

I just sometimes feel as if I think on a different wavelength than alot of people. I am a walking contradiction. I like to be alone and do my own thing alot, yet one of the biggest feelings of joy I have is performing on a stage in front of hundreds or thousands of people.

Now, that's not to say that I don't enjoy hanging out with my friends, OBVIOUSLY I do. I'm not a complete recluse or anything! but I just find that generally I get along pretty well by myself, and don't mind say, going to the mall by myself or something like that. I actually prefer it at times.

This aspect about me I think makes me act weird in relationship settings because unlike alot of girls that are in relationships- I DON'T like to be around the other person all the time, whenever we are both available. And like, while alot of girls would be upset if the guy couldn't hang out because they had other plans, I actually would like that. To me that shows that I'm not their sole source of happiness, or sole social life.

I just really hate to be put on a sort of pedestal. I don't like to be overly complimented or sappy things. I don't like to receive roses. I hate fancy jewelry.

Of course, I'm still human, I appreciate romantic acts as much as the next person, and am grateful for gifts and things- but the sterotypical things girls "like," I don't.

Sometimes I think I'm the only one that is the way I am, and it's disheartening because I would love to connect with the female characters in plays and movies, and look for monologues that really click with me, but it's hard.

You know what really scares me? Marriage.
I was just thinking earlier today and whenever I get married and have kids...I'm going to have to deal with cooking something different every day. That everyone likes. I love to cook- but I want to cook on my own terms. I mean, what if I marry someone who wants steak or chicken? Or bacon for breakfast? I don't think I could even do it. I can't handle dealing with raw meat. I know that people are probably rolling their eyes when they read that and expect me to get over it, but I mean what if you were in Korea and you were told you had to prepare dog? It is a delicacy over there, you know. Would you be able to do it?

Probably not.

Well, in my mind I can't separate a dog from a chicken from a cow from a cat. They are all animals, sentient beings and all of them deserve the gift of life. No animal deserves to have their throats sliced while still conscious and then to be dipped in boiling water to rip off their skin, all so you could eat something that is filled with harmful antibiotics, chemicals, hormones, and saturated fats that could lead to cancer anyways.

And people wonder why I'm a vegetarian! Haha. I realize I got off on a tangent and this is not The Quirky Veggie, my blog in which I normally rant about these things, so my apologies for that.

But anyways.

This was a really random blog but maybe it will give you some insight into how my strange mind works...I wonder if there is anyone out there who thinks the same way regarding relationships? Or am I just strange? haha.

yeah...

Things at this moment could definitely be better.
The most annoying thing at this moment is that I'm suffering from daily pain in my right hip, which come to find out I had a birth defect called hip dysplasia as a baby which can be fixed then, but apparently can come back after repeated stress around a person in their twenties. It makes it so walking hurts, and I have stopped working out as well. I need to go see a doctor about it, but I have to get all this paperwork switched around so I have health insurance with the military hospital...I'm just worried because I may potentially need to have surgery to get it corrected, and that is just not something I want to deal with. =/

But it is really annoying as I can't even pop my hip to the right side basically...and I find myself limping at times...it is just a stressful thing to think about as I have to dance for Putnam, and I don't want to not be able to be in the show or something. Ugh.

Also I'm just frustrated with a certain situation because I don't know what I want when it comes to relationships and the sort. I just feel like sometimes I just am not able to like be there for people that I really care about and that I just am not capable of being in a relationship anymore. I think it just comes down to me being selfish. I just want to do what I want at all times and not worry about hurting someone's feelings. And like everything could be going fine when I'm seeing someone- but all of a sudden like something switches off in my brain that makes me just get all weird and wanting to be alone all the time. I don't know what's wrong with me sometimes. Oh well.. I will figure it all out I suppose.

And like I'm reading all this stuff about the oil spill and it just makes me depressed because I feel like we have really screwed up our world. I just get so frustrated with big government and corporations and how greed really is the root of all our problems, and America is dying of cancer from processed food and prescription drugs and nobody has a cure for anything because the medical industry is one of the biggest businesses in America. Idk I'm just in a really negative mood right now about the world we live in and am just frustrated in general.

Bloom Away!

Ok, so if you have ever met me you know how much I love flowers. No, not even necessarily a bouquet of dozen roses type of flowers, but flowers as a design concept, mainly. There's something about flowers that can be feminine, romantic, flirty, whimsical, and/or funky all at the same time! I was looking around on etsy and found some stuff that I absolutely love and just need to share:













weeee I love these things so much!