merp.

So I'm almost finished with training at my new job, Dolce. Today I pretty much took charge of all the tables, with my trainer following me and it went rather swimmingly. I'm finally getting back into the "server" groove which is nice! I just have to say that not working for a corporate chain is pretty great. It sucked because we actually made some pretty good money but since I'm technically still training I only kept a very small percentage of them....which is understandable as I AM getting paid by the hour. Regardless it definitely made me feel good to know that everything ran pretty smoothly.

The only bad thing is it is seeming as though things may not be AS flexible as previously thought...I may for awhile have to just focus on building up a nice cashflow and get some savings going before I can really delve deeply into theatre specifically, because it's just a time commitment that I'm not sure this job will be able to work around, especially seeing as they are only open on the evenings. But if another door is meant to open it will be, and for now I'll stick with it and see how it all pans out. I have no worries, because I'm finding more and more that the more I believe and just have faith that things will work out, even if I am stressed or anxious- they ALWAYS do. Literally, every time. So I just have to stop fretting! Case in point: I was super stressed out because I thought I wouldn't know my work schedule until tomorrow when I would "skill out," or be certified to begin serving, and I was worried about not getting a day off to move my stuff from Columbus to my new apartment in ATL.

However- apparently the manager who is supposed to be there to officiate this skill out can't even do it until Saturday, SO...I now have the rest of the week off and I am going to be able to move in on Friday! Also, I am now able to attend this industry mixer that is a super great networking tool on Thursday, AND...I get to go on a boat outing tomorrow and get some sun and just relax! :D

I'm seriously loving life right now and I'm finally starting to see the light at the end of this transition phase which is wonderful. I just can't wait to just be in my new place and just soak it all in...I'm a college graduate and now able to fully pursue my career! Wahoo! :)

However when it comes to my personal life I'm still plagued with uncertainty and fear but it's hopefully something that will work itself out. I'm in such a strange place, I feel when it comes to matters of the heart and relationships and the like. I don't even know what I want, really and that may be the problem, in fact. Because most of the time when I want something, like, REALLY want something- I will do whatever it takes to get it (within reason, of course!) But I just always find myself meandering and not really "going for" anything when it comes to guys, and I'm not sure why. I feel like I have this constant sort of wall that is built up around my heart that has just gotten bigger and thicker the past couple years and in some ways it's a good thing, because I'm able to easily get over bad relationships and unrequited crushes with ease, but then I worry- because the one day I actually really get my heart completely broken there will be much more destruction and rubble...

But time will tell. I'm not completely miserable being single or anything. My fiercely independent self thrives on being able to not answer to anyone or have to do anything other than watch funny cat videos for hours if I so please! :)

Wingless Butterfly!

Last month I had the pleasure of filming the book trailer for the upcoming author Casi McLean's new book, "Wingless Butterfly." I am so grateful for the opportunity as I almost wasn't able to do it- but I was and am so glad. I am just so pleased to be able to promote such a positive inspirational message. To quote the author for the synopsis:

A powerful memoir, Wingless Butterfly—Confessions of a Recovering Jerk-Magnet, unveils a true story of hope and inspiration. In her compelling manuscript, Casi McLean uncovers an elusive secret past—and changes her future. Her mother’s ominous warning about her mysterious birth father haunts her: “He’s the kind of man who pulls wings off of butterflies.” Eerie dreams of a faceless man combine with repeated failed relationships to propel her through a portal in time on the roller coaster ride of her life. When she stumbles upon sinister secrets, Casi confronts dark shadows lurking in her soul that hold her captive in psychological bondage. As the mystery of her mother’s metaphor unravels, she realizes that to save her future, she must find the power to destroy the wall of fear, betrayal and deception that looms large and foreboding over her life.

It was so much fun working with Jonathan Acosta of Acosta Productions and Drew Gibadlo of Downstairs Studios on this (Otherwise known as the Kuldesac Kids :P ) and with the other actors as well. Casi is a delight as well to work with! I hope the trailer inspires you to purchase her book when it comes out on amazon.com as well as local bookstores!

Anyways, here is the trailer! I'm pretty proud of the work done by all. It turned out great. :)

Check yes or no.

Has anyone else noticed how much more difficult relationships are now that we are adults? Even the overall "courting" process is so much more complex and confusing, no wonder I've been single for about a year. And with the advent of social media, it's become more perplexing than ever before. Even something as simple as a facebook "like" can incite questioning and wishful thinking. I admit it, sometimes I long for the simplicity of young romance, back in the days when you knew someone liked you simply by the fact that they chased you, or they check-marked the box "Yes" on your crinkly, scribbled note that you wrote on the bus.

In elementary school things were so easy. While the definition of "dating" meant that you tended to sit next to each other at lunch or simple that you acknowledged the others' presence, it was still a huge rush when the person you like fancied you as well. Looking back on it, it seems so humorous- but back then it was all we knew.

Fast forward to the abysmal post-college dating scene. I look on my life and wonder- HOW is it that I'm so unsuccessful to get a guy to ask me on a legitimate date? Like, I see so many people around me engaged, married, in serious relationships, with boyfriends, etc. and I just wonder why it's so hard for me. I mean, I'm a somewhat attractive girl, right?! I take care of myself! I have nice teeth! I have a degree!

But I'm constantly playing the "should I text? should I wait a day? should I wait for him to text first? Have I liked too many statuses in a row?" game and it's a vicious cycle because I suppose even if they are interested- I'm SO worried about coming off as too clingy or what have you that maybe they just take that as a sign that I'm NOT interested. (At least that's what I tell myself.)

Or maybe I've set my standards too high? I mean one of my new requirements for someone that I will date is that they have to be as fast-paced and driven as I am. I mean, I need someone that can keep up with me and that can perhaps even challenge ME. I just don't have it in me to act as a sort of mother-figure- to drag someone along through their lives and try to give them direction. I've done it, it's not something I'm good at, and it just ends up badly for both of us in the end. I've got so much going on in my life that I need someone that can keep me on my toes, but it's just so hard to find! And while I have come across guys with that necessary quality- I'm just finding it so impossible to turn it into anything concrete, as much as I would like to. I'm never going to be that girl to force myself on anyone and if I get even the slightest indication that they are uninterested, I immediately back away. Maybe I read too far into things and back off too soon? Who knows.

I just feel like I've reverted, or entered this state where I'm undate-able. Like, all I want is to date someone where I won't be expected to spend every waking moment with them, but that after really hectic days I could snuggle with and just sit and do a puzzle, or someone that will make me get up early to go running. Or that would surprise me with a date night to see a show at the Fox or something.

I mean, I think I'm a good catch! I'm probably as genuine as you can get, I am emotionally stable, I graduated top of my class, and can cook! haha. But I guess you just can't force anything. There's a time and a place for things to fall into place. But as much as I enjoy and have needed to be single this past year, I feel like it would be nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of and to have as a companion, now that I actually have time for something like that.

I've just lost all ability to read guys' heads. And I'm too much of a chicken to outright ask anything so my "romantic" life is nothing but a state of disillusion, essentially. A constant flow of "what does that mean?" "I have no idea how he feels!" and "He's so confusing!" runs through my head when it comes to guys nowadays and I just feel so lost! But it's whatever. I'll be single until makes everything make sense, I suppose :)

We really like the looks of this TV.

Just got back from my first day of training at Dolce! It is apparent that it is a much more laid-back and pleasant atmosphere to work than my previous serving job, for sure. Not to mention between me and 2 other girls, they prepared us NINE full-size pasta entrees for us to taste test. Oh yeah and a full-size tiramisu and cappucino at that. So that was nice! :) I train all the rest of this week, and will be eating more free food at that, I'm sure. Which I can always appreciate.

In other news, the TV reviews I did for lcdtvbuyingguide.com are finished and up on Youtube! I had a great time on the shoot. I felt so super professional in my glasses and business-wear :P




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an evolution of love

I've started a Tumblr!
No, that does not mean I am abandoning this blog- I just decided that the functionality of Tumblr melds better with my new blog concept that I'm starting about loving your body and positive self image, something that I've struggled with for years. I've decided it's time for me to stop this vicious cycle and possible help others in the process that go through the same things that I go through...

Check it out here!

It's overrr!!!

Well, folks- I did it. I am officially an alumni and graduate of Columbus State University!

 

Naturally, it feels a little odd but moreso it's extremely exhilarating to be free from the confines of academic life. I mean, I have been taking classes during the summers and Maymesters as well, so it's like I literally have not ever gotten a break from school! It is truly a liberating experience, especially now that I'm free to really pursue the things I want to. 

So what's been going on with me lately?

Well, right now I'm temporarily living with my wonderful friend Summer who is an angel for allowing me to reside there as I begin working. This past month I've been going back and forth from Columbus to Atlanta job-hunting, interviewing, auditioning, etc. and it's so nice to now have a home base right smack dab in Atlanta. I mean, Atlanta's been treating me very well lately, I must say!

My first official day out in Atlanta I landed my "real" job that I so desperately needed. Technically I pretty much had the job at On the Border, but I really knew that I wanted to work somewhere that I could make more money, preferably in an upscale environment. Well, I had an interview at Dolce Enoteca , an Italian restaurant in Atlantic Station yesterday and ended up getting hired right then and there which was wonderful!This place is gorgeous and I'm super excited. I start training next week!

On top of my real job that I'm super excited about- I have as of right now (I will hear later if I get another for another show) but I have a callback for Thoroughly Modern Millie at the Atlanta Lyric Theatre! I'm so happy because there were a LOT of people that auditioned, and I would literally...kill.....to be Millie. I mean, I just love the show and the music so it would be absolutely amazing to get that. I'm gonna go rock it out at this audition and show 'em what I got! 

Yesterday was a successful networking day. Now, more then ever, I'm seeing really just how important networking is. And yes, everyone says that, but REALLY....it's true! Always have business cards on hand because I've given out more cards in the past few weeks or so than I ever have. I mean, I literally had a chance to network and meet a photographer while I was in Sephora and we exchanged information. 

Later that day I had the opportunity to do make-up for a TV pilot show with my friend Jonathan at Acosta Productions in union with Pinon Tree Productions and Bright Forest Productions that is going to be pitched to stations such as Turner Classic Movies and AMC. It's called Back Alley Classic Movies (NOT to be confused with Back Alley Strut! :P), and is essentially a talk show based on old film-noir type movies where there are hosts who talk about the details of the movie before and after, including a Q and A session with the live studio audience. It was actually pretty interesting. Even though I just did make-up, I had the chance to meet with directors/writers and the like who are casting films and such and who now know me as an actress as well as a make-up artist. 

The other film projects I've been working on such as Wingless Butterfly and Back Alley Strut are currently in or are soon to be in post-production. I will be sure to post some clips whenever I get the chance! :)

I should be starting filming for the football talk show that I'm a part this Sunday actually. I'm a tad bit stressed, as I need to catch up a bit on some football so I can jump in at pivotal moments, haha, but it IS scripted. So, that's always nice :)

I'm also excited because I received my first submission notice from my agent! While I was not actually selected to audition by the client, it was still an exhilarating experience and really solidifies it for me. 

It's a little crazy because I already feel like I'm playing the juggling game- trying to work with the training schedule for my new job in addition to the other projects and callbacks I've got going on is a little overwhelming, but I know it will all work out just fine in the end, it always does.

I'd rather be having to deal with conlicts than nothing going on at all! 

I'm so grateful for all these opportunities I've been given, and feel extremely fortunate to have some great roots planted already and to have such wonderful people help me out. Even though I've been spending gas money out the wazoo, and those last few weeks of college were super stressful and I'd been lacking a social life, it seems to all be paying off now. 

I feel like I'm right where I need to be. And that feels nice. Just got to get my own permanent apartment and I'll be set!

It's almost over...

I graduate in literally ONE. WEEK. AHHH!!!

I'm beyond excited about this fact, I must say.
Of course, things are still a bit crazy around here, this past weekend I was a bridesmaid in one of my best friends from high school's wedding, and I also filmed a book trailer for a new book called Wingless Butterfly by Casi McLean that is being released soon. It was so much fun filming it and it is so nice to start being a working actor! :) Working on a film set is so unique and cool, while I love theatre, I can see myself doing alot of film work as well, definitely. It's been nice that I've been given the opportunity to actually do some real acting as opposed to just cheesy commercial type stuff, too. I'll be sure to post the trailer once it's done with editing!

Also, you can check out some behind-the-scenes stuff from Back alley strut here. MUCH more stuff to come with that, so be on the lookout :)

 Another thing- I'm now officially signed with Legacy Talent Management! I sound so official.:) Tomorrow I've also got an interview at Houstons' which is a super nice restaurant in Atlanta. Keep your fingers crossed that I get that job! While I already have On The Border as a back-up, it's only for hostessing/catering and I know that I will make so much more money as a server in an upper-class restaurant. If I get that job, than I will literally be set. Still have to figure out living situation stuff, but I know it will all work out, it always does :)

I'm just generally excited about life and what is to come. Graduation is so close I can taste it. I'm done with all my classes and only have one exam to really worry about, so all is well! Tomorrow I'm meeting with the Talent Network, interviewing at Houston's and finishing up some scenes for the Wingless Butterfly trailer. On the 7th I'm filming a commercial, and also auditioning for the Atlanta Lyric's season. In the midst of that I'm packing, cleaning, and preparing. I'm ready!!