As I look back on my slightly deluded love life (or lack thereof) it is really quite humorous when you look at it. I mean, seriously- like every day I get hit on by the randomest of men whose direct bluntness about it all takes me off guard and makes me wonder why it is that I get so much unwanted attention, yet with the guys that I am actually interested in, it's like I'm completely invisible.
Can someone explain that to me?!
I mean, seriously. Not that I'm so incredibly desperate to have a boyfriend or anything (while it would be nice,) I'm just trying to figure out what the deal is.
And then to just further complicate matters, I'm completely hopeless when it comes to reading other guys. Like, there is someone in my life that everyone says is totally into me. But I don't know, to me I just don't get that. We're friends, and while I admit I am possibly toying with the notion of something more- I just don't really get these strong signals that everyone else apparently sees! So basically: I'm retarded and I create signals in my mind from guys that AREN'T interested in me, but when someone may actually be, I literally am oblivious to it. Meh.
The bottom line here is maybe the life of a cat lady isn't so bad? I mean, you have an excuse to just be crazy and wear bizarre sweaters and host tea parties and collect kitschy knick-knacks and have a never-ending supply of incense and potpourri.
On a completely unrelated topic- can I just say that I have literally been OBSESSED with my nails lately?! It's so strange. I used to bite them incessantly and never ever had nice nails and just resigned myself with the notion of having little boy hands and wearing false nails when the occasion calls for it, but I have been taking these biotin supplements and just, well, NOT biting them and now they are beautimus! The thing is, I've gotten really into nail-art and nail trends and what not and it's like this whole new world that has been opened up to me. But then...it also becomes a sort of obsession...like whenever I do my nails, and then they start chipping, I have to immediately take it all off and re-do my manicure completely, instead of just touching it up. It's turned into a hobby. But I like it!
Also, just as a general update on life- my new work schedule is literally amazing and I'm a million times happier than I have been. So that's good.
I leave for Germany in two weeks. Life is grand.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Regaining Control.
Over the past few months, I realized that I somehow lost control of my life. I was working 50-60 hours a week at a job I don't necessarily care for with no time to devote to my actual career, health, well-being, etc. etc. etc.
Add to that a pretty unhealthy "relationship" (If you can even call it that) and yeah. I was not really too well off. I was in a really low emotional state about a month ago. It took a phone call from the coordinator of the web-series I film for every week saying how I wasn't myself anymore to get me to realize that there needed to be a change, and soon! Literally everything was spiraling out of control in my life. On my days off, I was so tired all I ever did was lay around. I was too tired to even workout, so I was gaining weight and eating unhealthy foods...basically I just felt awful all around. To make matters worse, I felt like my agency was sort of giving me the run around based on some technical issues and it seemed like I was stuck there, too. After realizing my career was basically at a standstill and I was absolutely miserable, I decided in one moment that I was not going to continue to live this way.
So, I basically altered my schedule the way I wanted and told my manager if I could not get those hours then I would have to leave. I also decided to call my agency every single day basically until I got what I wanted.
2 weeks later, I have the perfect schedule, and today I filmed a video audition with my agency to send to the casting directors of Army Wives for an episodic role. I've already lost a few lbs. because of my time to work out again and I feel a million times better.
I'm just so incredibly thankful and blessed that things have worked out the way that they have, and I can't stress enough that if you are unhappy with your current situation in life, there IS something you can do. Always. Granted, it may take a little time, but if you really want a change, you are able to change it.
I've also made another great realization- I absolutely do NOT deserve to be treated the way I have allowed myself to be treated with guys. Obviously, if a guy is truly interested he will make time for you and let you know that. There will be no ignoring for weeks at a time, or keeping you around to make themselves feel better during moments if insecurity or when there are no other girls available. Apparently lately I've been completely deluded into thinking there could ever be more than what there was with a certain somebody whom I really cared about (and still do, but in a different way.) It sucks, because you know when you meet that person that you just click with so well, who shares so many of your same interests and passions, but when you find out that they are not at all what you thought they were? Yeah. I'm sick of that happening. I just feel like I deserve to be treated with nothing but the utmost of respect. So yeah. I'm taking back control in that regard as well.
In other news, I got the iPhone 4s! Basically, I knew I was going to get it for Christmas/bday, but my old phone broke AND I was due for an upgrade, so fate stepped in basically and I decided to get my present a little early since I was completely phoneless for a couple of days. And I'm essentially in love with it. Like, I don't know how I even survived before?! ha. And Siri is fantastic! It's literally crazy amazing.
Anyways, long story short, I'm very content at this present moment. I feel like only great things are coming my way. AND I get to visit Germany in a couple weeks! Ahh! I'm so excited to get on a plane, get out of the country for a while, and get back to my roots. :)
Add to that a pretty unhealthy "relationship" (If you can even call it that) and yeah. I was not really too well off. I was in a really low emotional state about a month ago. It took a phone call from the coordinator of the web-series I film for every week saying how I wasn't myself anymore to get me to realize that there needed to be a change, and soon! Literally everything was spiraling out of control in my life. On my days off, I was so tired all I ever did was lay around. I was too tired to even workout, so I was gaining weight and eating unhealthy foods...basically I just felt awful all around. To make matters worse, I felt like my agency was sort of giving me the run around based on some technical issues and it seemed like I was stuck there, too. After realizing my career was basically at a standstill and I was absolutely miserable, I decided in one moment that I was not going to continue to live this way.
So, I basically altered my schedule the way I wanted and told my manager if I could not get those hours then I would have to leave. I also decided to call my agency every single day basically until I got what I wanted.
2 weeks later, I have the perfect schedule, and today I filmed a video audition with my agency to send to the casting directors of Army Wives for an episodic role. I've already lost a few lbs. because of my time to work out again and I feel a million times better.
I'm just so incredibly thankful and blessed that things have worked out the way that they have, and I can't stress enough that if you are unhappy with your current situation in life, there IS something you can do. Always. Granted, it may take a little time, but if you really want a change, you are able to change it.
I've also made another great realization- I absolutely do NOT deserve to be treated the way I have allowed myself to be treated with guys. Obviously, if a guy is truly interested he will make time for you and let you know that. There will be no ignoring for weeks at a time, or keeping you around to make themselves feel better during moments if insecurity or when there are no other girls available. Apparently lately I've been completely deluded into thinking there could ever be more than what there was with a certain somebody whom I really cared about (and still do, but in a different way.) It sucks, because you know when you meet that person that you just click with so well, who shares so many of your same interests and passions, but when you find out that they are not at all what you thought they were? Yeah. I'm sick of that happening. I just feel like I deserve to be treated with nothing but the utmost of respect. So yeah. I'm taking back control in that regard as well.
In other news, I got the iPhone 4s! Basically, I knew I was going to get it for Christmas/bday, but my old phone broke AND I was due for an upgrade, so fate stepped in basically and I decided to get my present a little early since I was completely phoneless for a couple of days. And I'm essentially in love with it. Like, I don't know how I even survived before?! ha. And Siri is fantastic! It's literally crazy amazing.
Anyways, long story short, I'm very content at this present moment. I feel like only great things are coming my way. AND I get to visit Germany in a couple weeks! Ahh! I'm so excited to get on a plane, get out of the country for a while, and get back to my roots. :)
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