Be gentle with me.

As much as I go around saying that I really don't want a boyfriend due to how incapacitated I am at being a good girlfriend anymore...
I just feel like I want someone to just like me for ME, genuinely. ALL strange, weird, crazy, stupid parts of me. I think there must be someone out there that would not just think that I am pretty when I fix my hair and dress up like normal, but someone who can see all those hideous pictures of me on facebook and still think the same thing. Someone who would not just buy me flowers, but who would get me those stupid greeting cards with cats on them that I love. I want someone to not just think I'm funny and amusing, but someone that would listen to me when I am crying and tell me everything will be okay. I want someone that is not just going to show up to a performance of mine because I ask them to, but someone who will help me run lines when I am stressed out about being off book the next day, or who won't mind listening to musicals with me. I want someone who is completely content to share a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey with me while watching flight of the conchords or even America's next top model marathons. Someone who is willing to open their heart to me, and someone who I will not be afraid to open mine to.
Now, I am not miserable because I am not in a relationship by NO means. If anything, I enjoy being single because I hate to feel tied down to anything, and it's not like I hook up with random guys or anything either, because that's just not me. And I'm not the type of girl that is going to throw herself on any guy or force guys to pay attention to me either.
I am content, but sometimes I just wonder if there is even a guy like that out there. Sometimes I tend to lose faith in men, period.

I want someone to prove me wrong.

Do the Whirlwind.

As I am sitting here, listening to "Do the Whirlwind" by Architecture in Helsinki, procrastinating finishing my furniture for my Basic Design project that I abhor, I am definitely feeling like the world "whirlwind" is a great analogy for my life at the moment. I am just stressed right now, as I definitely should be working on my basic design project which is due Tuesday, I also need to find a really demanding acting activity for Acting class, I need to figure out a new song to sing for GTC (Apparently the one I had didn't show off my range enough.), I need to be off book for a directing scene that goes up Tuesday, as well as 2 other scenes that go up in a couple weeks, I need to be working on top of all of that to make the money which I seem to be spending at an alarming rate. On top of that throw in rehearsals for Richard's freestage which is super fun to do. We rehearsed Show off for about 3 hours yesterday... and it is pretty intense. I need to increase my stamina so I can belt that note at the end without getting tired because at the moment, after 6 cartwheels, tap dancing, splits, and being lifted in the air numerous times, I cannot do it without faltering. But I should be able to do it soon!


Some good things about my life at the moment, however, are as follows:
I'm getting a scooter today! I didn't realize how fun it really was until I borrowed Robin's and scooted around Broadway. It was actually pretty funny because there was a biker rally going on and several bikers commented on it and one guy took a picture of me on the scooter in front of a Harley. Apparently they were all amused. Haha.

I've been lots of fun hanging out with people I didn't hang out with at all barely last year. It doesn't mean that I don't enjoy being with the friends I've had before.

I am enjoying being able to sing again, I really love the freestage I am in, and it should be pretty sahweettt.

So yeah. That is my life right now.
I'm stressed out alot of the time, but I am having fun. Not having guy drama is always nice, too.

There ain't no party like my nana's tea party Hey! Ho!

Lately I've been in this strange mood.
I feel like I am in this alternate universe sometimes.... it's strange.
India called it the "Sophomore Slump" And I do believe that is an accurate term. A slump. And I'm not really sure why I am feeling like this... but I do hope it stops soon!
I am in this constant state of almost like self-loathing where I feel like I look disgusting, I am unattractive, and am just stupid. To make matters worse I keep getting into these binge-eating phases where my brain just does not tell me to stop eating and I end up gorging myself on food and then feeling horrible afterwards. It's an awful habit, I know but it's like...sometimes I feel like food controls me and it is weird but I feel as if it is a psychological thing that I wish I could fix. =/
I wish I didn't let my weight bother me so much but it does.
Bah.

So to put myself in a better mood I will watch Flight of the Conchords.
(BTW: If you have not seen it, it is the funniest show EVER.)
Here are a couple clips for you guys.
They are a folk-comedy duo that do kind of novelty songs that are just hilarious such as this one:



And now a word about racism: