they say i'm crazy- i got your crazy.

I am aware that I have not written a blog since GTC.
Well here is the updated info on that situation:
No, I did not get passed on. And even though I feel like lately I have just been not been having good luck in the auditions department this year so far... I am weirdly okay with it. I mean, there were some really good people that did not get passed on and you never really know exactly what the judges are looking for!

The sucky thing about that situation is that now I have no idea what I will be doing this summer. I know, for one that I do not want to be working at Midsummer Macon or Express. I suppose I just need to have faith that something will come along that will be worth my while...

I just feel like I'm working so hard sometimes and that it's not getting anywhere and it really sucks. I want so badly to be an actress, and I KNOW that is what I want to do and I know somehow it will work out. But right now I'm just feeling inadequate or something, idk. But the next general auditions are coming up this Thursday, and I'm excited to see how that turns out. Also, my show goes up exactly a week from today and I'm really excited about that too.

OH and I can't not mention this boy.. hehe... he makes me so extremely happy. =]

Krispy. Kremey.

So I am sitting in my hotel room at GTC. My audition was earlier today, it was the first time in a while that I've auditioned and after it was over I felt really great about it. Hopefully I will get passed on to SETC and have the chance to audition in front of professional theatre companies! I will be so excited if I do. But if not, I will try to not be upset as they are only passing through 40% of auditionees. Scary, I know!
Regardless, I did my best and that is all I can do. If they liked me, great, if not, then I can always try again next year. There are plenty of talented people that have not gotten passed on for whatever reason, so I will not be totally upset.
But I REALLY want to be passed on so I will have a greater possibility of having a job this summer! That would be fantastic.
But anyways. I really do feel as if I have gained 10+ lbs. in the span of 2 days. It started with the trip to Krispy Kreme yesterday evening and since then I've eaten Zaxbys, more Krispy Kreme, Pizza, Wendys and finished it off with you guessed it....Krispy Kreme. UHH why do I do this to myself!?
Although I realized today in the dressing room at Ross that I can still wear a size 2 jeans. WOO!

smiles and candy corn.

So I realized that I have not written a blog in a long time... weeks, even.
The truth is, I have been so ridiculously busy and stressed that I guess I didn't even think about it. But regardless, judging from my last post it seems as if the tables are turning in my life...

So there's this boy...
I actually never expected things to turn out the way they did but they have and I am just really happy. I feel totally comfortable with him, and he makes me smile so much... =]

But at the same time, alongside the warm fuzzy feelings that come with a new romance, I am scared. And it has absolutely nothing to do with him .
I just don't want to get hurt. (Well, Obviously, nobody does!) Nor do I want to hurt him either. Like I said before, I feel like I suck at being a girlfriend.

It's just that the fact of being in a bonafide relationship again scares me a little bit. Well, actually- I think it's not even being in a relationship- just putting myself out there is what scares me, because the last time I did that I found out that it was all in vain. And it sucked to find that out. I don't want to be lied to or played around with- I don't deserve that at all. And that is not saying in ANY way that the guy I am currently seeing is like that because I truly do not believe he is like that at all... it just is a shame that I have become so jaded on relationships in general.

I'm just going to have to forget about the things other guys have done... and just focus on how happy I am when I am with him... and how he even helps me relax- a word that seems to have disappeared from my vocabulary due to all the stress I put myself through!

Although lately the stress has been lifted a bit- Batboy is over, I just finished the last of directing scenes this month, no more Basic Design projects for a while.... all I have left is GTC (I'm number 4), and then Richard's freestage- "This is What Happens When." (Which, by the way, is going to be super fun and everyone needs to come see it Nov. 3rd at 5!) Although soon general auditions are coming up again... and so is Boy Gets Girl.

I really want to be cast next semester, so finding a super awesome audition piece is going to be imperative. I am longing for a chance to show off that I CAN do straight plays, too! I love musicals and all, but I feel as if I haven't been given a chance really to show that I know how to actually act. But hopefully things will work out in my favor!

Anyways. Life is good right now. I'm super happy and I'm going to embrace the happiness in my life.