A Life of Craziness.

I don't know why, but lately I've felt super emotional. Like way more than I usually am. I don't know what it is, but it's really strange...like...I can cry at the drop of a hat, or get REALLY angry about something small. I usually am so laid-back and can easily brush things off my shoulders, but for some reason things have been hitting me hard lately. It's weird. Meh. At least it may be good for my acting..? Ha!

Anyways, lately life has been a little...well.. not hard. But a bit of a struggle at times. I work all the time at Taco Mac, and while most of the time it's not too bad, I just feel like I live there basically. And it's rough because serving is not always the easiest job. Granted, I make pretty good money which allows me to live somewhat comfortably at the present moment, but it's almost not worth it. I said ALMOST. ha. I do enjoy the funds! :) But it just makes me long for the days when I can operate solely from freelancing writing/acting/playing music. It's hard also because I still have my writing gigs, so sometimes I have to spend half the day writing and the other half at Taco Mac. But it's okay.

So something else that's been going on my life is that there is this guy, right? And it's like...being around him makes me feel so incredibly happy and comfortable and like all is right with the world, but things are not very...definite. And in a way that is good, because I don't think either of us are really ready for something very definite at the moment, but at the same time this whole situation scares me, alot, because I feel like I am at this point where I am allowing myself to get hurt even though we are not even at any definite state. I'm afraid of pushing him away, so I don't want to make things weird by bringing up the "what are we?" conversation...But I just find myself in a dilemma because there are these other guys that want to go on dates with me and pursue something and I just find myself closing them off because I can't really put my heart into it. I just feel like it's almost not fair to them to do so, even though others say I should since I am not in any sort of committed relationship. Long story short- my "lovelife" is very complicated. I'm just letting things flow naturally and see how things go without trying to push anything. The last thing I want to do is push this person away from my life and scare them, as they are dealing with residual issues, which...aren't we all?

I don 't know what I really "want" from the situation per se....maybe just some sort of confirmation that I'm not the only one who feels the way I do. But oh little ole' me is so afraid to rock the boat. Le sigh. Well we'll just see what happens. I can be patient. I've been patient with every aspect in my life for the past few months and I can continue it!