So this is Christmas..

You know, this has been quite the unique Christmas season I have to say.
For one, it's been weird not being in school and having the obligatory 2 week Christmas break period. I have to live in the real world and work and such and it's just...strange.
Oddly, I feel very alone this Christmas. Without being with family, or a significant other or what have you it has been a solitary holiday season. Add to that the fact that I'm working tomorrow from 10-possibly 8 PM, and it is borderline depressing.
It's just the icing on the cake to a less than stellar year. But you know what? The struggles I've had to face have all made me grow as a person and learn SO much than if I hadn't had to go through them.
So what have I learned this year?

• Things are not handed to you. When you graduate college, you automatically assume your degree entitles you to every single job offer in the world. Well my friends, that is NOT the case. I mean, I knew I'd have to struggle a little bit, but I didn't think I'd have to struggle THIS much. But yes, things are definitely NOT handed to you. I' ve always been a hard worker, but this year has shown me that it takes so much more to really gain success in any fashion.
• I've also learned when it comes to relationships, 1.) I am attracted to the guys that do NOT want a relationship whatsoever and 2.) that I have extreme difficulty communicating. I tend to overthink situations and then blame guys for their actions when we haven't even come to terms with any sort of boundaries or even spoke about how we feel about one another. Which in turn, makes me somewhat bitter. But you know what? It's not even their fault. I guess if you never have the "what are we" conversation, you really can't hold anything against anyone. And when things don't work out, it doesn't necessarily make them a horrible person- you just deal with it and move on. So I'm sorry if I've seemed to put all the blame on everyone else, because my fear of confrontation and rejection has definitely made me afraid of communicating my real thoughts and feelings. And that is something I really need to work on.
• I've also learned that friends are not as constant as one may think. It's like- you think your friends are there for you forever. But you move to a different city and keep on going with your life and you see that actually you will lose touch with people. And it sucks. But you just have to find a balance and work hard to maintain your relationships, because your relationships with your friends are important. People are important. Never take anyone for granted. 

I may have said that 2011 was a bad year. And honestly, I've had to go through alot of stuff I've never dealt with before, and it really was challenging. But when I really think about it, it wasn't all THAT bad. I think I just grew up. And sometimes, being faced with growing up is difficult.

But thank you to everyone that made this year great and who taught me valuable things that I will never forget.

Although 2021- you better be freakin' amazing. Because I'm ready for things to really turn around. Thanks.  :)