I'm really, really content.
And the only thing that sucks about it is it seems like everyone else around me, isn't.
I want nothing else for my friends to all be happy... it just seems like they are always sad, and it's mainly boy/girl troubles, too. So sometimes I feel like my happiness with matt is annoying to others? Even though they don't outright say it, I feel like it is. And I know they are honestly happy for me, because they are great people, but I don't know... like I just feel BAD almost for being happy and basically in a relationship right now...
And it is more annoying that there are people that can't deal with the fact that we are together, more so for the fact that MATT is happy.. which is an utterly ridiculous thought. We all deserve happiness. And to the main person who is causing this, this is what I want to say to you:
It is just downright unfair to treat people that were your friends like crap because they are happy together. It's selfish and wrong. And I thought we were friends, but if you come into town and basically TRY to avoid me, or come into a room and see us together and then just don't even say hi but LEAVE... that shows immaturity. Matt never wanted to hurt you and neither did I. I wish you could see that and still be our friend.
You know what.. you know those things that people write in their myspace blogs that are like: things I want to say to 10 people or w/e... I think I am going to do that. These are just things that I have been wanting to say but I'm just a wuss basically, haha! So here goes.
1-I wish that you could see that there is nothing wrong with you. You are a wonderful person, and are obviously desirable to other males so I don't understand why you keep feeling as if there is something wrong with you because there isn't! Sure, you may not be the typical, sterotypical all-american girl, but that is why you are so great! I know that soon a guy will come along that will embrace you for everything that you are and you won't have to change a bit about you. You just need to stop looking! Also, It is time to let go as I know you want to, of this certain guy that has been plaguing you recently. Some GUYS ARE JERKS. period. Some guys just are immature and retarded and are not worth your tears or your time! He has no control over you and he never did, so don't let him. I hate to see the way that he still has this control over your emotions. And I wish that you would'nt let other people influence you as much as you do. I know that you want everyone to be happy, and I can identify with that as I am a people-pleaser as well. But the things that people require of you sometimes are ridiculous and I wish you could see that. I love you and I like to see you happy. =]
2-I worry about you, sometimes. I wish I didn't have to but I just am scared that you will make wrong decisions when it comes to relationships because you are so eager to get in another one. DON'T rush it! You are in a broken state right now. IT IS OKAY. Give yourself time to heal! Don't go rushing to find another boy to ease your pain, because a boy is what caused it to begin with, right? And once the faux happiness goes away it is just like rubbing salt in a wound. You are an awesome girl and you will find a boy when the time is right and you are not looking, trust me! I love you, too and I just want nothing but happiness for you.
3- I know you said that you wanted to have fun with different girls because you don't want to be in a relationship for a while... but the way you are acting is not right. Don't be one of "those guys." You are a sweet guy with a huge heart and it's just not in character for you to string girls along. Now I probably don't know details of everything, but just in general, I think that you are just being selfish and you are not really being YOU... but you are just bitter and this is a way for you to deal with it. But you need to probably chill out. There is nothing wrong with dating different people and having some fun- but don't get too far to the point where you hurt people. Thats all I ask.
4- I'm sorry, but I really have no respect for you. The way you treat girls is unacceptable. I really don't know what I ever really saw in you but obviously it was all a facade- a really great one, mind you. And yes, I do know more about you than you probably think I do. I don't know why you feel the need to be constantly "acting"....but you're not putting on a good show, that's all I'm saying.
5- Please stop trying so hard. You're a great guy, and there is no reason for you to be so down on yourself all the time! I think that you are constantly seeking out a girl to latch on to and like, and you try to hard to be what you think the perfect guy would be like to them- but you are only hurting yourself, because you just need to be yourself! Sometimes girls can feel awkward with how straightforward you are sometimes. Just don't try so hard and stop looking into things too much and trust me you will be alot happier. And if things don't work out the way you want them to, you don't have a right to make the person feel awkward and/or guilty about it, either.
6- Thank you for making me feel as wonderful have you have recently. Things are just so EASY with you... they are so natural and thats why I love being with you- because nothing seems forced at all. I love the way you are "illogical" sometimes... =] And how you accept me for who I am completely, weirdness and all! I love the way you never cease to make me smile- even thinking about you makes me smile. I love watching you sleep, and I love the way that you are so ridiculously good looking and don't even know it. :P Sure, you may not have a car that works right now to be able to take me on bonafide dates, but that doesn't matter. I love being able to sing with you and the way that I feel when you hug me like you don't want to let go. Thank you for changing my mind and my view on guys and relationships in general. At the beginning of the semester I decided not to really give my heart away to anyone for a long time... but it seems as if you stole it right from under me :P And just saying... I've always been so scared of being in a relationship again, but for the first time in a LONG time, I can honestly say that I would love nothing more than for that to happen. =]
So yeah. That's only 6. But that is all I can think of at the moment....
2 comments:
I find the fact that you are so eager to lump all of your ex's into one big pile of crap learning experience category is shallow. I mean, you act as if none of them ever meant anything to you at all? From my experience most of the time you have some bad relationships and some good ones, and no I dont believe you should regret anything, but at the same time by putting them all into the same category, it doesnt allow you to remember the specific good memories of those that once held a special place in your life. I gather though by reading your latest you have a new "love" and i am happy to see that, but really, i dont seem to recall your last person to be so terrible. I dont know, it just seems slightly unfair and...discourteous to him when you "loved" him as much as you did to throw him into a group with whoever else you may have been with. Just a personal opinion and not necessarily trying to come down on you so i am sorry if it seems as such.
I don't know who you are, but obviously if you knew me well enough you would know I am the farthest from shallow.
And I very much so do NOT forget about the specific good memories that I had with people, not at all!
As I recall, my exes have told ME that they thought the relationship was a waste and I was actually the one that said it wasn't. And at times I even miss certain aspects of the certain person, or things we would do, but then you have to realize that you are better off without them because you are at different stages of life or what not. I never intended to lump anyone into a group or be discourteous.
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