I want so many things in life at this particular moment but one of the hardest things is just waiting everything out. Never before have I felt so...I don't know...antsy..? In many aspects. While I am absolutely loving being graduated and feeling like the world is open to me, I feel like I am up against some unknown resistance, otherwise known as "incorrect timing." I feel like in April I had all these opportunities throwing themselves at me while I was still having to leap through hurdles to graduate- but now that I am actually available for them all- they have disappeared! While I know that is not completely true, as all this Backalley Strut stuff is about to get set into the marketing frenzy soon (I saw a near-final cut of the last "episode" or promo video we will be showing to potential investors and it's so awesome!) it's still something I will have to wait on technically.I feel like I"m playing this huge waiting game with my career. Waiting for audition submissions from my agent. Waiting on replies from auditions from theatre companies. Waiting until I make more money so I can get new headshots taken so I can submit to more agencies, and wait on them to respond.
But you know what, it's what I signed up for. You don't get a degree in theatre and expect to be a full-time actor immediately. It just doesn't happen. And sure, it may be a little frustrating right now but I know, I KNOW in the future it WILL pay off! It just sucks to have to be in this phase of uncertainty while everything else catches up to line into place. But it's cool. I will prevail, and life could DEFINITELY be worse. I mean, everything has fallen into place before and it will continue to do so, so I can't fret! :)
In other aspects of my life...I think ole' Cupid may be teaching me a lesson which is cool but frustrating. I really don't want to seem conceited at all when I say this, but normally I have pretty good luck with guys. That is before this past year where I feel like I've morphed into this clueless ball of awkward who doesn't know how to handle herself in situations with guys. And the irony is that I get hit on so much and so many guys are interested in me that I have absolutely NO attraction to whatsoever or that it would never work with at all. It's simply ironic. Yet frustrating! I get really awkward about guys hitting on me and asking for my number, it's literally one of the most uncomfortable situations for me to be in. Like, I am just a bad liar for one thing, and I feel like guys don't take the answer "I'm just weird!" very well when I don't give them a real reason I don't want to give my number. But I mean, it's true! I just get so weird about it. I don't want to have the pressure of them having my number at their disposal and wanting to hang out or whatever, but then I have a hard time of being mean to them at the onset, I just tend to go along and converse with them and be nice, and they mistake that for "a connection" which makes them really surprised that I don't eventually want them to call me all the time. Meh.
Oh, boys. Get it together!
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