Hurrah for Acclimation!

So, I am officially a resident of Atlanta, in my own apartment, and not in training anymore, but an official employee at a pretty great restaurant.

I'm so happy! Moving was quite the arduous process overall, but I got through it with the help of my friend Drew, who is a SAINT for coming with me, since it took pretty much all day and was not the funnest task in the world for sure.

Besides work, I've just been enjoying life in Atlanta with new and old friends alike, meeting new people, making connections, and just enjoying NOT being in school. :P

The other day I attended an event called the Get Connected Entertainment Industry Mixer which was held in downtown Atlanta and is basically a compendium of filmmakers, production companies, modeling/acting agencies, etc. They had booths set up as well as mini-studios and people were constantly asking to take your picture and things. Of course, I obliged:

(BTW I got this dress at Plato's closet for EIGHT DOLLARS.)
Anyways, it was alot of fun, and we also got to see a screening of an indie film short which was...interesting...that's all I'm going to say about that :P But it was cool to see what other people are doing. I've been doing alot of work with Acosta Productions lately and we are going to try to get our own booth set up at a mixer in the future. (They happen once a month!) Even though I'm an actress, I'm a somewhat unofficial "member" of the team, I suppose :P


Anyways, right now I'm just looking up casting calls/auditions and doing as much as I can, trying to market myself and just do my thang. Now that I'm done with the graduation transition- I can finally start putting all my energy into my career which is such an amazingly liberating feeling I can't even describe to you!

I'm excited to see what life throws at me :)

What I want to accomplish in life.

• I want to make a living doing what I absolutely love to do more than anything else, acting. Contrary to what people may believe, my ultimate desire in life is NOT to be rich and famous. I could care less if people on the street know who I am. And money is just money. (Although it WOULD be nice to be able to buy some Louboutins every now and then!) But really, I just want to be able to support myself solely from my acting whether it be theatre, film, or both. My logic is if other people can do it, so can I.
• I want to encourage and inspire others through my personal discoveries/struggles. As some of you may know, I actually have a health blog focused on vegetarian/veganism as well as a tumblr devoted to positive body image. (I actually need to update the health blog more as I've been slacking on it!) But there is no greater feeling than somebody messaging me or telling me in passing how much they enjoyed an article of mine or that I have encouraged or helped them in some way. Being healthy and learning to love my body are things that I struggle with everyday and some days are easier than others. Writing is such a great outlet to help myself and others at the same time and I just want to make some sort of impact, which leads me to my next point:
• I would love to write a book aimed at college-aged girls addressing issues, such as keeping healthy, financially stable, fit, and emotionally in check. Not that I'm the expert on these things- but I have learned so much these past four years and have many stories to tell that I think would help others. Who knows when I'll actually have it done, but I think I may start on it soon...
• I want to travel. Alot. I thrive on change and I just am hungry for new places and experiences. Some of the places I want to visit: L.A., NYC (again), Italy, France, Greece, England, Hawaii, Japan, etc. Really I just want to go everywhere! I'm super excited because I actually may be visiting Germany with my mom in November to visit my grandma for her birthday...and one of the things I want to do is just take a train to Paris by myself and write while sitting under the Eiffel tower. Maybe grab a crepe or two and just revel in the place I am, reveling in a different culture and lifestyle that I'm used to.  That would be perfect :)
• I want to produce a singing album and have a live show. No, my life goal is not to be a pop star singing sensation- but I just want to start writing my own music and getting back into playing piano and just record an album. Having friends and contacts that actually own recording studios makes this dream more of a possibility in my life and I've been thinking of it more and more. I actually wrote the beginning stages of a song today which is something I've never really dabbled in before...but was surprisingly easier than I thought. Of course, I always have my dream of singing 1940s jazz standards in a glamorous gown in a smokey lounge setting. And you may think I'm joking...but seriously...that is a dream I've had for a while. And one day it will happen :)
• I want to design clothing. I've always had an eye for fashion and drawing and used to actually do this when I was younger...but I think it would be amazing to team up with someone who can actually sew a little bit better than I can and turn some designs on paper into an actual tangible garment that I designed. I mean, I suppose could always just learn to sew myself but who has time for that?! :P But seriously, going along with that whenever and if I do get married, I think I want to design my own wedding dress as well. Who knows, maybe I'll pay and commission my costume shop administrators from ole' CSU into making it for me :)
• Ultimately I never want to lose my sense of openness and spontaneity, and I just want to just enjoy life's every opportunity that is thrown at me. While I have a general plan for my life, I honestly have NO IDEA what I'll be doing 5 years from now. I mean, if you told me the things I was doing right now about a year ago, I wouldn't even believe you. A year ago I told myself that I would probably never be a Shakespeare actress, or wouldn't ever do film and here I am, the last theatre production I did being a Shakespeare show, and I've landed several paid film gigs and now have an agent. I'm not tooting my own horn or anything, but just making a point that it's amazing what can happen if you just open yourself up to new things. I obviously have a lot to learn still in this crazy world of acting especially, and there are constantly things I can improve on and learn. I think it's important to NEVER think you know it all, because the moment you think you've got it made and have all the answers- life throws an anvil on your plans and says "Nope!" I've learned this first hand and I'm sure others can attest to this as well. I hope that I never come across as braggadocious or arrogant. I know we actors sometimes have the tendency to just post everything that we are doing and go off about our "craft" but people just have to realize that it's such an unstable and insecure life we lead, and we are constantly faced with people doubting our abilities. I mean, if someone tells their great Aunt Milly that they are a business major in college, they'll get a "Oh, wonderful! So glad to see you doing something smart and productive!" Whereas a theatre performance major will get an "Oh, that's nice...well good luck with that." with a concerned gaze. So anytime an actor actually lands something, especially a paid gig- it's just a "HEY WORLD, YOU WERE WRONG!" type of move, really. We are constantly fighting for that seal of approval from our peers, from our family, and from ourselves.  Any ounce of validation is a major accomplishment, so don't roll your eyes at us, just realize that it's hard to pursue a career path that most people think is a pipe dream.  And well I just went off on a major tangent here, but sometimes when the words come out you just can't stop them! :P Now on to my next bullet point of life accomplishments:
• I want to not go off on tangents.  Hmm...well that may be the hardest bulletpoint to accomplish so moving on... :P
• I want to be able to financially give back to my parents. They have helped me so much over the years in many ways other ways besides just financially- but I want to be able to at least give back in that regard. I'm not sure exactly how or when, but it will. They deserve nothing but the best in life. Now that I'm edging on 23 I'm seeing more and more just how much my parents have sacrificed for me and I'm more and more grateful for everything that they do. Their selflessness and positivity is inspiring. 
• I'd like to meet a man who challenges me to be a better person; who tells me when I need to slow down in life and just live, and also when I need to get it together and push forward. Someone who shares my same belief systems and who is not afraid to be proactive. Someone who doesn't mind cats and thinks my quirks are endearing and not strange. Someone who realizes that I am not expendable and who doesn't think my career path is dumb. :)
• Ultimately I want to spread positivity in this world. I absolutely can't stand it when I see people repeatedly tweeting and posting negative facebook statuses and are just a drag to be around. I'm just a huge proponent of the notion that if you don't like your current circumstances, CHANGE THEM. Only you have the power to do so. Also, negativity breeds negativity. It's so crucial to find positivity in your situations. And I mean, I'm not 100% happy-go-lucky all the time, I definitely have my moments when I am sad or feel frustrated and angry, but I choose not to dwell on them. I really don't like sympathy and I just like to solve problems instead of focusing on them.My father who battled leukemia for 7 months is probably still the biggest inspiration in my life. I may have mentioned this before in earlier blogs, but literally throughout his entire battle he never complained once. Through chemo, through bone marrow transplants, through endless treatments causing him to age about 20 years, losing almost all of his physical strength...he never lost his faith. He is the strongest person I've ever known and even to the end, he never ceased to amaze me with the endless stream of positivity that flowed out of him. This has always stuck with me and I just have a hard time really sympathizing with people when they complain about petty things. And I know I'm not the only one that has had to deal with situations like this and people have gone through even worse things- but the difference is this: do you let the situation turn you into a bitter, angry person, spreading negativity and animosity or do you accept the cards you're dealt and allow them to turn you into a stronger and wiser person? Some choose the former. Take my father's side of the family, for example. Most of them refuse to speak to my mom to this day because she got re-married. They harbor so much bitterness and anger that it's unbelievable and it manifests itself continually. None of them are happy in their own lives and they are dealing with horrible issues on a daily basis that probably would not be there if they took initiative to better themselves and turn their situations into something not steeped in resentment, but into situations that enabled them to deal with things in a more positive manner. But again, that's something I cannot control and I don't intend to speak badly of my relatives, as I do love them and wish the best for them, but I just hate that they can't look past these things and just accept life, really.
• Did I mention that I needed to stop going on tangents? :P
• There are many more things I would love to accomplish in life, but I think I'll stop for now. There is always more I will wish to do and experience and learn, so this list will never end.

merp.

So I'm almost finished with training at my new job, Dolce. Today I pretty much took charge of all the tables, with my trainer following me and it went rather swimmingly. I'm finally getting back into the "server" groove which is nice! I just have to say that not working for a corporate chain is pretty great. It sucked because we actually made some pretty good money but since I'm technically still training I only kept a very small percentage of them....which is understandable as I AM getting paid by the hour. Regardless it definitely made me feel good to know that everything ran pretty smoothly.

The only bad thing is it is seeming as though things may not be AS flexible as previously thought...I may for awhile have to just focus on building up a nice cashflow and get some savings going before I can really delve deeply into theatre specifically, because it's just a time commitment that I'm not sure this job will be able to work around, especially seeing as they are only open on the evenings. But if another door is meant to open it will be, and for now I'll stick with it and see how it all pans out. I have no worries, because I'm finding more and more that the more I believe and just have faith that things will work out, even if I am stressed or anxious- they ALWAYS do. Literally, every time. So I just have to stop fretting! Case in point: I was super stressed out because I thought I wouldn't know my work schedule until tomorrow when I would "skill out," or be certified to begin serving, and I was worried about not getting a day off to move my stuff from Columbus to my new apartment in ATL.

However- apparently the manager who is supposed to be there to officiate this skill out can't even do it until Saturday, SO...I now have the rest of the week off and I am going to be able to move in on Friday! Also, I am now able to attend this industry mixer that is a super great networking tool on Thursday, AND...I get to go on a boat outing tomorrow and get some sun and just relax! :D

I'm seriously loving life right now and I'm finally starting to see the light at the end of this transition phase which is wonderful. I just can't wait to just be in my new place and just soak it all in...I'm a college graduate and now able to fully pursue my career! Wahoo! :)

However when it comes to my personal life I'm still plagued with uncertainty and fear but it's hopefully something that will work itself out. I'm in such a strange place, I feel when it comes to matters of the heart and relationships and the like. I don't even know what I want, really and that may be the problem, in fact. Because most of the time when I want something, like, REALLY want something- I will do whatever it takes to get it (within reason, of course!) But I just always find myself meandering and not really "going for" anything when it comes to guys, and I'm not sure why. I feel like I have this constant sort of wall that is built up around my heart that has just gotten bigger and thicker the past couple years and in some ways it's a good thing, because I'm able to easily get over bad relationships and unrequited crushes with ease, but then I worry- because the one day I actually really get my heart completely broken there will be much more destruction and rubble...

But time will tell. I'm not completely miserable being single or anything. My fiercely independent self thrives on being able to not answer to anyone or have to do anything other than watch funny cat videos for hours if I so please! :)

Wingless Butterfly!

Last month I had the pleasure of filming the book trailer for the upcoming author Casi McLean's new book, "Wingless Butterfly." I am so grateful for the opportunity as I almost wasn't able to do it- but I was and am so glad. I am just so pleased to be able to promote such a positive inspirational message. To quote the author for the synopsis:

A powerful memoir, Wingless Butterfly—Confessions of a Recovering Jerk-Magnet, unveils a true story of hope and inspiration. In her compelling manuscript, Casi McLean uncovers an elusive secret past—and changes her future. Her mother’s ominous warning about her mysterious birth father haunts her: “He’s the kind of man who pulls wings off of butterflies.” Eerie dreams of a faceless man combine with repeated failed relationships to propel her through a portal in time on the roller coaster ride of her life. When she stumbles upon sinister secrets, Casi confronts dark shadows lurking in her soul that hold her captive in psychological bondage. As the mystery of her mother’s metaphor unravels, she realizes that to save her future, she must find the power to destroy the wall of fear, betrayal and deception that looms large and foreboding over her life.

It was so much fun working with Jonathan Acosta of Acosta Productions and Drew Gibadlo of Downstairs Studios on this (Otherwise known as the Kuldesac Kids :P ) and with the other actors as well. Casi is a delight as well to work with! I hope the trailer inspires you to purchase her book when it comes out on amazon.com as well as local bookstores!

Anyways, here is the trailer! I'm pretty proud of the work done by all. It turned out great. :)

Check yes or no.

Has anyone else noticed how much more difficult relationships are now that we are adults? Even the overall "courting" process is so much more complex and confusing, no wonder I've been single for about a year. And with the advent of social media, it's become more perplexing than ever before. Even something as simple as a facebook "like" can incite questioning and wishful thinking. I admit it, sometimes I long for the simplicity of young romance, back in the days when you knew someone liked you simply by the fact that they chased you, or they check-marked the box "Yes" on your crinkly, scribbled note that you wrote on the bus.

In elementary school things were so easy. While the definition of "dating" meant that you tended to sit next to each other at lunch or simple that you acknowledged the others' presence, it was still a huge rush when the person you like fancied you as well. Looking back on it, it seems so humorous- but back then it was all we knew.

Fast forward to the abysmal post-college dating scene. I look on my life and wonder- HOW is it that I'm so unsuccessful to get a guy to ask me on a legitimate date? Like, I see so many people around me engaged, married, in serious relationships, with boyfriends, etc. and I just wonder why it's so hard for me. I mean, I'm a somewhat attractive girl, right?! I take care of myself! I have nice teeth! I have a degree!

But I'm constantly playing the "should I text? should I wait a day? should I wait for him to text first? Have I liked too many statuses in a row?" game and it's a vicious cycle because I suppose even if they are interested- I'm SO worried about coming off as too clingy or what have you that maybe they just take that as a sign that I'm NOT interested. (At least that's what I tell myself.)

Or maybe I've set my standards too high? I mean one of my new requirements for someone that I will date is that they have to be as fast-paced and driven as I am. I mean, I need someone that can keep up with me and that can perhaps even challenge ME. I just don't have it in me to act as a sort of mother-figure- to drag someone along through their lives and try to give them direction. I've done it, it's not something I'm good at, and it just ends up badly for both of us in the end. I've got so much going on in my life that I need someone that can keep me on my toes, but it's just so hard to find! And while I have come across guys with that necessary quality- I'm just finding it so impossible to turn it into anything concrete, as much as I would like to. I'm never going to be that girl to force myself on anyone and if I get even the slightest indication that they are uninterested, I immediately back away. Maybe I read too far into things and back off too soon? Who knows.

I just feel like I've reverted, or entered this state where I'm undate-able. Like, all I want is to date someone where I won't be expected to spend every waking moment with them, but that after really hectic days I could snuggle with and just sit and do a puzzle, or someone that will make me get up early to go running. Or that would surprise me with a date night to see a show at the Fox or something.

I mean, I think I'm a good catch! I'm probably as genuine as you can get, I am emotionally stable, I graduated top of my class, and can cook! haha. But I guess you just can't force anything. There's a time and a place for things to fall into place. But as much as I enjoy and have needed to be single this past year, I feel like it would be nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of and to have as a companion, now that I actually have time for something like that.

I've just lost all ability to read guys' heads. And I'm too much of a chicken to outright ask anything so my "romantic" life is nothing but a state of disillusion, essentially. A constant flow of "what does that mean?" "I have no idea how he feels!" and "He's so confusing!" runs through my head when it comes to guys nowadays and I just feel so lost! But it's whatever. I'll be single until makes everything make sense, I suppose :)

We really like the looks of this TV.

Just got back from my first day of training at Dolce! It is apparent that it is a much more laid-back and pleasant atmosphere to work than my previous serving job, for sure. Not to mention between me and 2 other girls, they prepared us NINE full-size pasta entrees for us to taste test. Oh yeah and a full-size tiramisu and cappucino at that. So that was nice! :) I train all the rest of this week, and will be eating more free food at that, I'm sure. Which I can always appreciate.

In other news, the TV reviews I did for lcdtvbuyingguide.com are finished and up on Youtube! I had a great time on the shoot. I felt so super professional in my glasses and business-wear :P




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an evolution of love

I've started a Tumblr!
No, that does not mean I am abandoning this blog- I just decided that the functionality of Tumblr melds better with my new blog concept that I'm starting about loving your body and positive self image, something that I've struggled with for years. I've decided it's time for me to stop this vicious cycle and possible help others in the process that go through the same things that I go through...

Check it out here!

It's overrr!!!

Well, folks- I did it. I am officially an alumni and graduate of Columbus State University!

 

Naturally, it feels a little odd but moreso it's extremely exhilarating to be free from the confines of academic life. I mean, I have been taking classes during the summers and Maymesters as well, so it's like I literally have not ever gotten a break from school! It is truly a liberating experience, especially now that I'm free to really pursue the things I want to. 

So what's been going on with me lately?

Well, right now I'm temporarily living with my wonderful friend Summer who is an angel for allowing me to reside there as I begin working. This past month I've been going back and forth from Columbus to Atlanta job-hunting, interviewing, auditioning, etc. and it's so nice to now have a home base right smack dab in Atlanta. I mean, Atlanta's been treating me very well lately, I must say!

My first official day out in Atlanta I landed my "real" job that I so desperately needed. Technically I pretty much had the job at On the Border, but I really knew that I wanted to work somewhere that I could make more money, preferably in an upscale environment. Well, I had an interview at Dolce Enoteca , an Italian restaurant in Atlantic Station yesterday and ended up getting hired right then and there which was wonderful!This place is gorgeous and I'm super excited. I start training next week!

On top of my real job that I'm super excited about- I have as of right now (I will hear later if I get another for another show) but I have a callback for Thoroughly Modern Millie at the Atlanta Lyric Theatre! I'm so happy because there were a LOT of people that auditioned, and I would literally...kill.....to be Millie. I mean, I just love the show and the music so it would be absolutely amazing to get that. I'm gonna go rock it out at this audition and show 'em what I got! 

Yesterday was a successful networking day. Now, more then ever, I'm seeing really just how important networking is. And yes, everyone says that, but REALLY....it's true! Always have business cards on hand because I've given out more cards in the past few weeks or so than I ever have. I mean, I literally had a chance to network and meet a photographer while I was in Sephora and we exchanged information. 

Later that day I had the opportunity to do make-up for a TV pilot show with my friend Jonathan at Acosta Productions in union with Pinon Tree Productions and Bright Forest Productions that is going to be pitched to stations such as Turner Classic Movies and AMC. It's called Back Alley Classic Movies (NOT to be confused with Back Alley Strut! :P), and is essentially a talk show based on old film-noir type movies where there are hosts who talk about the details of the movie before and after, including a Q and A session with the live studio audience. It was actually pretty interesting. Even though I just did make-up, I had the chance to meet with directors/writers and the like who are casting films and such and who now know me as an actress as well as a make-up artist. 

The other film projects I've been working on such as Wingless Butterfly and Back Alley Strut are currently in or are soon to be in post-production. I will be sure to post some clips whenever I get the chance! :)

I should be starting filming for the football talk show that I'm a part this Sunday actually. I'm a tad bit stressed, as I need to catch up a bit on some football so I can jump in at pivotal moments, haha, but it IS scripted. So, that's always nice :)

I'm also excited because I received my first submission notice from my agent! While I was not actually selected to audition by the client, it was still an exhilarating experience and really solidifies it for me. 

It's a little crazy because I already feel like I'm playing the juggling game- trying to work with the training schedule for my new job in addition to the other projects and callbacks I've got going on is a little overwhelming, but I know it will all work out just fine in the end, it always does.

I'd rather be having to deal with conlicts than nothing going on at all! 

I'm so grateful for all these opportunities I've been given, and feel extremely fortunate to have some great roots planted already and to have such wonderful people help me out. Even though I've been spending gas money out the wazoo, and those last few weeks of college were super stressful and I'd been lacking a social life, it seems to all be paying off now. 

I feel like I'm right where I need to be. And that feels nice. Just got to get my own permanent apartment and I'll be set!

It's almost over...

I graduate in literally ONE. WEEK. AHHH!!!

I'm beyond excited about this fact, I must say.
Of course, things are still a bit crazy around here, this past weekend I was a bridesmaid in one of my best friends from high school's wedding, and I also filmed a book trailer for a new book called Wingless Butterfly by Casi McLean that is being released soon. It was so much fun filming it and it is so nice to start being a working actor! :) Working on a film set is so unique and cool, while I love theatre, I can see myself doing alot of film work as well, definitely. It's been nice that I've been given the opportunity to actually do some real acting as opposed to just cheesy commercial type stuff, too. I'll be sure to post the trailer once it's done with editing!

Also, you can check out some behind-the-scenes stuff from Back alley strut here. MUCH more stuff to come with that, so be on the lookout :)

 Another thing- I'm now officially signed with Legacy Talent Management! I sound so official.:) Tomorrow I've also got an interview at Houstons' which is a super nice restaurant in Atlanta. Keep your fingers crossed that I get that job! While I already have On The Border as a back-up, it's only for hostessing/catering and I know that I will make so much more money as a server in an upper-class restaurant. If I get that job, than I will literally be set. Still have to figure out living situation stuff, but I know it will all work out, it always does :)

I'm just generally excited about life and what is to come. Graduation is so close I can taste it. I'm done with all my classes and only have one exam to really worry about, so all is well! Tomorrow I'm meeting with the Talent Network, interviewing at Houston's and finishing up some scenes for the Wingless Butterfly trailer. On the 7th I'm filming a commercial, and also auditioning for the Atlanta Lyric's season. In the midst of that I'm packing, cleaning, and preparing. I'm ready!!