Check yes or no.

Has anyone else noticed how much more difficult relationships are now that we are adults? Even the overall "courting" process is so much more complex and confusing, no wonder I've been single for about a year. And with the advent of social media, it's become more perplexing than ever before. Even something as simple as a facebook "like" can incite questioning and wishful thinking. I admit it, sometimes I long for the simplicity of young romance, back in the days when you knew someone liked you simply by the fact that they chased you, or they check-marked the box "Yes" on your crinkly, scribbled note that you wrote on the bus.

In elementary school things were so easy. While the definition of "dating" meant that you tended to sit next to each other at lunch or simple that you acknowledged the others' presence, it was still a huge rush when the person you like fancied you as well. Looking back on it, it seems so humorous- but back then it was all we knew.

Fast forward to the abysmal post-college dating scene. I look on my life and wonder- HOW is it that I'm so unsuccessful to get a guy to ask me on a legitimate date? Like, I see so many people around me engaged, married, in serious relationships, with boyfriends, etc. and I just wonder why it's so hard for me. I mean, I'm a somewhat attractive girl, right?! I take care of myself! I have nice teeth! I have a degree!

But I'm constantly playing the "should I text? should I wait a day? should I wait for him to text first? Have I liked too many statuses in a row?" game and it's a vicious cycle because I suppose even if they are interested- I'm SO worried about coming off as too clingy or what have you that maybe they just take that as a sign that I'm NOT interested. (At least that's what I tell myself.)

Or maybe I've set my standards too high? I mean one of my new requirements for someone that I will date is that they have to be as fast-paced and driven as I am. I mean, I need someone that can keep up with me and that can perhaps even challenge ME. I just don't have it in me to act as a sort of mother-figure- to drag someone along through their lives and try to give them direction. I've done it, it's not something I'm good at, and it just ends up badly for both of us in the end. I've got so much going on in my life that I need someone that can keep me on my toes, but it's just so hard to find! And while I have come across guys with that necessary quality- I'm just finding it so impossible to turn it into anything concrete, as much as I would like to. I'm never going to be that girl to force myself on anyone and if I get even the slightest indication that they are uninterested, I immediately back away. Maybe I read too far into things and back off too soon? Who knows.

I just feel like I've reverted, or entered this state where I'm undate-able. Like, all I want is to date someone where I won't be expected to spend every waking moment with them, but that after really hectic days I could snuggle with and just sit and do a puzzle, or someone that will make me get up early to go running. Or that would surprise me with a date night to see a show at the Fox or something.

I mean, I think I'm a good catch! I'm probably as genuine as you can get, I am emotionally stable, I graduated top of my class, and can cook! haha. But I guess you just can't force anything. There's a time and a place for things to fall into place. But as much as I enjoy and have needed to be single this past year, I feel like it would be nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of and to have as a companion, now that I actually have time for something like that.

I've just lost all ability to read guys' heads. And I'm too much of a chicken to outright ask anything so my "romantic" life is nothing but a state of disillusion, essentially. A constant flow of "what does that mean?" "I have no idea how he feels!" and "He's so confusing!" runs through my head when it comes to guys nowadays and I just feel so lost! But it's whatever. I'll be single until makes everything make sense, I suppose :)