Look at me now!

So, like I said, auditions for the General season were yesterday. There were two shows to audition for, one of them being Boy Gets Girl, and the other Batboy.
I did not receive one for Boy Gets Girl, however I DID get a callback for Batboy which I am really excited about in one way, yet altogether frazzled in another, seeing as there were at least 30 + girls on the callback list. Today we have to sing a high belt song in the top of our range under 30 seconds, and do a dance combination.
I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now for several reasons:

• I have a Spanish class today from 1:30 to 2:45...callbacks start at 2. I e-mailed the director and she said it would be totally find to arrive late, but knowing my luck it would be late for the dance audition and I'd have to frantically catch up on learning the combination which is an entirely stressful situation in itself. But I also e-mailed my Spanish teacher and hopefully she will let me be absent for this first day.
• Like I said...there are SO many girls called back. There is so much competition for a spot in this show that is is sickening. And everyone can sing!
• This is the only show that I was called back for, so it is my only chance to show what I got! The stakes are so high on this callback, because I DESPERATELY want to be in this show. And I feel like I definitely could be in it, but at the same time I keep second-guessing myself...
• I woke up this morning with a SORE THROAT. Can you believe it?! The day we have to sing a high belt song in the top of our range, I have a freaking SORE THROAT. bahh.

Acting, as a profession, if you think about it is such a self-absorbed occupation. You spend all this time preparing yourself, making yourself better, working on audition pieces, getting headshots taken of yourself, all of this in order to basically please a director, and ultimately, the audience. It's tough because you are constantly having to scrutinize yourself, and if you do not get a callback, or are not cast, it is so easy to just hate on yourself basically. We spend all this time having to focus on ourselves and having to be extremely self-aware. Which is one way is a good thing, but in another it can just be really stressful sometimes, because you cannot ever escape yourself and your thoughts. I think at times people who act, or theatre people come across as being self-absorbed or conceited or snobby to some people, but in reality we HAVE to be somewhat absorbed in what we are doing, because that is the only way we can improve. But sometimes it gets kind of overwhelming, I think, because you are your only tool. If you do great, it's all you, and if you do not, it's still all you. There is nothing else you can blame it on. Of course, there are other factors in casting such as type, schedule conflicts, dependability, etc., but ultimately it all comes down to you, and even more stressful, down to that 30 second, or 1 minute audition.

But anyways. I really hope I start feeling better about this. bah.