Halloween!

So, first of all let me express to you how lame last year's Halloween was. First of all, there were no real parties that we knew about leading up to it, so nothing to plan for....we were underage so we couldn't go out...we had cute costumes but nowhere to go, so we essentially just had a few people over and hung out at the apt. Which was not completely terrible, don't get me wrong- it just wasn't that great. haha.
But THIS YEAR...completely different story! At first you would think having Halloween on a Sunday would be detrimental to the festivities- but in all actuality it made it seem to last super duper long. My Halloween festivities actually started out on Thursday at the RHAC party where I went as Kelly Kapowski. I love the RHAC party because it is always on the Thursday of General auditions, and it is a way to celebrate them being over! (Speaking of auditions- I got called back for Eurydice and As You Like It! Yay!)

But anyways. Then on Friday, which was another stressful day in my life, (Callbacks! Sr. Sem final/audition!) me and Robin went to Mix Ultra Lounge...it was a vampire themed party so we naturally went as vampires. We tried to get teeth but they ended up looking completely hideous so we ditched the teeth. (They were cheap ones from CVS, go figure.) Here are our vampire looks:

SCARY! :P Not really. But yeah, so Mix was pretty fun, although we were reinforced by the idea we already had of Columbus guys, and that is that they are just awkward. We still had a good time however! :)

And then yesterday was an entire day filled with lovely celebration! We started the day off going to Chill in costume to get 15% off, (I was a gypsy!) where I proceeded to get pumpkin pie flavor with pecans, graham crackers and whipped cream... delightful! We then went to the Fresh Market to get pumpkins and stopped in Petsmart and Target to get candy for the trick or treaters :)

 We came home and carved our pumpkins which was a fun event. Here's mine- it's a Hello Kitty pumpkin, of course! 

We then roasted the pumpkin seeds which were delicious, watched I Know What You Did Last Summer and passed out candy to trick-or-treaters, which was oddly nerve-wracking. I have no idea why but everytime kids knocked on the door it was just stressful...lol. But there weren't too many trick-or-treaters anyways.

Later on we got ready and went to a cartoon character themed party where I went as Jasmine...pictures to come soon!

And, since today is actually Halloween don't be thinking the festivities are over YET! They are showing Psycho at the Springer Opera House and we will be attending...in costume of course! I think I may do something gruesome like a zombie beauty pageant girl or something like that...with cuts/bruises/blood! But we'll see :P

The Electronic Age of Misunderstanding.

In this new electronic age we live in, we are faced with new issues that one may have never thought of before. Text messaging, e-mails, facebook statuses, notes, blog posts- they are all means of communicating that are not spoken aloud- and in some cases they can cause misunderstanding and feelings to get hurt.

For example- have you ever received a text from someone that seemed hurtful only to realize later that it was a joke/sarcasm? Or experienced a tinge of anxiety when someone responds with a mere "k."? Or when your crush responds to way after after your last text and you've given up all hope only to realize that their phone just died?

On facebook, people are apt to write ambiguous statuses that spark controversy and make others wonder..."Is this about me?" Or they may write a note bashing something or someone and leaving others to figure out who it is, but adding just enough detail that most can figure out who it is. I've also seen people gang up on other's through facebook, causing extreme distress to the victim and making others just look heartless and unnecessarily mean, relishing in the pain they cause.

I've experienced over the years I've kept up this blog that there is a risk of putting your inner thoughts on the internet for all to see and that some like to use it as an outlet to say incredibly hurtful things, hidden behind the name "Anonymous."

Through having this blog I've discovered the extent that people are willing to go to hurt me, hitting at things in my life that are already extremely painful. For example- my father whom I was very close to passed away with Leukemia my freshman year of high school. I was in the hospital seven months throughout this ordeal, basically forgoing any extracurricular activities to be there throughout the entire process, and I dealt with him going into remission only to have it come back and to be told he had 3 days left to live. Dealing with that was not the easiest thing in the world, but his complete and utter strength (He never complained once) taught me not to sweat the small stuff in life. It has helped me with putting things into perspective and is probably why I tend to be really laid-back and not get worked up over things I have no control over.

Well, one day when I happened to be missing him I wrote a blog about it and how I wished he could see me in a show I was in, as he died before I started getting into theatre. Some anonymous coward decided to write that my father as well as GOD would have been ashamed of me, and many other extremely hurtful things. I just couldn't believe that somebody had the audacity to say something like that to me, when I had done nothing to hurt them, yet just decided to express that I missed my father that passed away.

Recently I have dealt with an incident to where my words were grossly misunderstood and skewed, causing me to be indirectly attacked (but it was obvious it was towards me.) In addition, my best friend just had somebody write very harsh, hurtful things in her honesty box on facebook as well. (ah, honesty box. the playground of anonymous cowards.) In both cases, neither of us had done anything to warrant such scathing words.

The bottom line is our feelings were definitely both hurt and it was unnecessary hurtfulness.

There have been other instances where people have written anonymous hurtful things on my blog as well. And I mean I would understand if I wrote things that were actually controversial, but these were all written on very personal blog entries specifically. It's just a horrible feeling to be attacked for no reason, and I suppose in this digital age, the means of communication make it easy for people to hide behind their computer screens and say whatever they want- even though they would never say these things to my face, I'm sure. And to be honest- I'm not even one of those people that wants people to say things like that to my face, either.

And I digress a little bit, but at times it makes me weary to be treated as if I am a villain for wanting to be successful in my career and working my butt off every single day in order to maintain a 3.9 GPA and gain the respect of those that matter in my life, such as my professors and fellow peers, while pursuing something I love and trying to stay sane at the same time. The sanity sometimes slips away, and at times I may be a little anti-social and unable to sustain relationships but I guess that is just the price I have to pay in order to accomplish my goals! This is the only time in my life I will have to do this so I don't think I should waste the time and resources I've been given.

I just think people should take the time to realize that words, no matter if they are spoken to your face or through text, facebook, or any other means can hurt, and we should be using these means to encourage others instead of to bring them down. I just don't think I deserve alot of the wrath that has been given to me and those I am close to. While I try to stay positive, I do have times where things can get to me and I do have insecurities as well- I just try not to dwell on them and use them as a crutch, that's all!

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

Sucks when they happen to coincide! I was just generally feeling not so hot today. But glad that I'm feeling more positive again now! My directing scene is going well, I made a perfect score on my analysis, and once I make it through much stress of my scene going up, general auditions as well as Sr. Sem auditions, I will get to have fun this weekend because it is Halloween! Yay! For those inquiring minds that want to know, I'm planning on going as Kelly Kapowski from Saved By The Bell.

It's not this exact outfit- but I'm definitely all up in some nineties clothes, and the bangs WILL be teased! Also, I will be reviving my Jasmine costume from last year for a specific cartoon character themed party so that will be fun. At either rate, I enjoy Halloween and it will be a needed break after this week. Lots of stressful things happening but I'll make it through. I always do! 

So you know how I mentioned I was an extra on MTV's My Super Psycho Sweet 16 Part 2? Well apparently the movie is out on iTunes already and my friend grabbed a screenshot of my scene.

 

Woo! Note to self: Have better posture next time I'm on a movie set! Haha. It's pretty cool though, because I'm very visible and clear which may not happen with alot of extra work one may do. But yeah it was a pretty exciting feeling to see yourself on TV even if I didn't have lines necessarily. I'll have you know a funny story behind this scene however- I literally asked this guy a new question about himself every take. It was like my thing so we didn't have to flounder for natural conversation since he seemed a bit shy haha. So I ended up finding out all these random facts about his life, none of which I really remember, but it was pretty funny at the time, haha!

Hopefully next time I'll have some lines though. Thank goodness I've shed a bit of weight as well- the adage "the camera adds ten pounds" is not a lie! =/ but it could be worse I suppose. haha. 

Oh also if you haven't noticed, I revamped the blog a bit. I just can't let anything stay the same!

The Theatre.

The other day in Senior Seminar, we had to discuss our manifestos- basically our final paper's describing what theatre means to us. Well It eventually turned into this emotional crying session as we realized just how much we all absolutely LOVE what we do. There's just something about being in the theatre that is absolutely magical. I mentioned in class that I have a hard time connecting with people in real life at times but when I'm on stage I'm so connected with the audience and those on stage with me. It's one of the greatest feelings in the world! While person-by-person we talked about our views on theatre, the impact it's made on our lives and how much we love it- I couldn't help but humorously ponder- Do Accounting, Business, or other majors sit around and cry about how much they love calculating figures? I mean I understand people who are these majors enjoy what they do, but it just made me be grateful that I am doing something that I am 100%, unabashedly, absolutely in LOVE with. And I must say that is not to say that these majors are not doing something they are in love with as well, as I am not an idiot- but I guess I'm just testifying to the over-dramatic emotional nature of us theatre majors. We're a crazy lot! I just don't think it happens often in other classes where people just sit around and cry in a circle for 2 1/2 hours over how much they love what they do. But if it has then that is pretty awesome. It's so great to do something you love no matter what it is! I think people also should realize that those that are in the theatre don't do it so that they can one day be famous. If I am never a household  name or making seven figures a year, I couldn't care less to be honest. I mean it would be cool, but that has and never will be my aspiration in life. I have people asking me what I'm planning on doing after college and I always am befuddled by this question- why, I'm going to act of course! All I want career-wise is to make a living being a successful actress on the stage and/or film. I want to be in a National Tour of a musical. I want to do cabaret shows. I want to learn, take workshops, take dance classes, continue to study voice. I want to live in a little apartment in NYC with a cat, be able to walk to an Indian restaurant, go on auditions every morning and just live and breathe theatre, and the city life, and just everything that goes along with it! I can't wait until that is a reality in my life. but for now I have to get through jumping more hoops for school, but I am finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel! :)

Why I'm unlike most girls and people you probably know.

• I don't keep up with any television show currently airing on TV. However I've seen every episode ever made of Flight of the Conchords and the Tim and Eric Awesome Show multiple times.
• I literally have no favorite sports team, professional or college...whatsoever. Football, baseball, basketball....they are all pretty meaningless to me to be honest.
• I have never seen a Harry Potter movie.
• I don't like Lord of the Rings or Star Wars.
• I'd rather be in my room working on homework than doing most things. Not because it's an enjoyable activity, but because I literally CAN'T relax at all until everything that I've scheduled to do that day is done, and even when it's done I have a hard time relaxing. My version of relaxing often times still has something to do with furthering my career or school. 
• I barely ever hang out with anyone besides the built-in social life of my apartment...because of reason listed above.
• I identify with John Mayer's song "Half of my heart" more than most songs I've ever heard of a female songwriter.
• I get annoyed with leading female characters in relationship dramas plays/movies most times because they are whiny.
• I don't drink soda, sweet tea, or coffee.
• I like to sit in the front of class whenever I can.
• I have never and refuse to ever get a flu shot
• I have a bizarre habit of picking at my cuticles with mechanical pencil lead. 
• I'm attracted to artistic guys in glasses, cardigans, or skinny ties that wouldn't be afraid to go salsa dancing with me.
• I am unattracted to guys who rev up their car engines beside me, wear visors, say the phrase "That's whassup," talk about their Ford truck, or that list Hinder, Nickelback or Daughtry in their favorite bands.
• If I could afford it, I would shop at health food stores for my entire grocery needs besides produce, where I wish I could have my own garden or purchase from an organic local farmer.
• I love cats because I identify with them.
• I make lists about everything. I schedule out my life weeks in advance in detail.
• When circling my foot in the air while seated I often form the shapes of certain letters over and over.
• I tend to not form close relationships with people easily.
• I'm weirdly obsessive about the shape of my eyebrows.
• I hate driving and find it a chore.
• I find taking showers a chore.
• I would rather wash dishes by hand than take out the trash. 
• I think most dogs are annoying.
• I'm really self- conscious of my jawline. 
• I am a musical theatre junkie, but I think Glee is overrated.
• I own way too many Hello Kitty items than a person should probably own.
• I have an aversion to silly bandz.
• I'm against hunting and I hate the Dixie Outfitter, "Confederate" culture. 

I'm just odd :P

And...I'm back!

So, I just returned from GTC in Savannah. For those that don't know, GTC stands for GA Theatre Conference- where college theatre students audition in hope of getting passed to SETC, where you audition in front of professional companies all over the nation in hopes of getting summer work at regional and summer stock theatres, amusement parks, and cruise lines and the like. There were approximately 300 students auditioning this year- and around 80 something got passed. There was some pretty stiff competition- but thankfully I did get passed on! :)

I also had a really great time in Savannah, going on ghost tours, exploring downtown, etc. Me and Melissa devoured a huge apple covered in caramel, chocolate, as well as crushed M&Ms...then foolishly went to go eat afterwards and realized we both were super full. We ended up giving up our leftovers to people on the ghost tour, which by the way was SCARY. Unlike most ghost tours where you walk around the town and people tell stories- in this one we actually went inside the Sorrel-Weed house, where there were apparently murders and suicides that took place there and was featured on popular ghost-hunting television shows. We used EMF detectors to detect electro-magnetic frequencies..and it was really dark in the house..it was super creepy and worth it!

Today we had lunch at a truly great pizza place, and did some shopping downtown before finding out the results of our GTC scores. After what seemed like a really long drive back home, I'm glad to be back in a way- although I'm a little stressed about what the next two weeks hold for me. I start rehearsals for my directing scene this week and it's Shakespeare so I'm just a little nervous about it. But I'm sure it will be FINE...I just over-react. Sometimes I feel as if I put too much stock into directing when it's not even something I want to do outside of college- but I'm just the type of person that just can't to put forth something mediocre as my work, so I just tend to overwork myself. But it's alright, I suppose that's not a horrible character trait, haha!

But yeah, adding to my stress it the fact that my laptop decided to not turn on once I took it out of my suitcase today. I'm wondering if the fact that the outlets were really faulty at the hotel are to blame, or if my power cord is broken, or (hopefully this is not it-) that my laptop has just decided to die on me. I just have so much information and software on it that it would be extremely annoying for it to just go kaput... but I will take it into Best Buy tomorrow and see if they can test out my adapter and see what's wrong with it. Thank GOD I e-mailed myself my analysis when I went to Augusta, and worked on my scenic progression on Google Documents so that I can still access my analysis since it is due Wednesday and I absolutely HAVE to work on it all day tomorrow especially. My present self is currently very pleased with my past self's thoughts for the future.

I've also LITERALLY gained 5 lbs. since fall break started. I'm completely baffled at how quickly my weight fluctuates! So in order to get back in shape so that I can look good in my Jasmine costume from last year for Halloween, I'm going on an extreme sort of diet, well not really that extreme, but more like I'm cutting out ALL sweets, refined carbs, and the like and going back to my kale/sweet potato/beans/veggies/fruits way of eating that was proving to be so successful for me before fall break began. I'm telling you, in Savannah I just let myself loose, and however nice that was- it's time to SNAP back into reality and get back into shape! So I'm putting it out there right now for you guys- keep me accountable! And don't lure me to my favorite frozen yogurt place in the world Chill...or force me to go to half price margarita night at the Cantina...because however much my heart yearns for these things, my body has paid the price for my reckless caloric abandon these past few days and I must get back to where I was!

But anyways, life resumes.

Envy

Okay, so I admit it- I look at the "2 Hot 2 Handle" and "What Were They Thinking?!" Celebrity fashion slideshows from Yahoo.com frequently. Okay, phew. Glad that's over.

Now moving on, very rarely am I ever really blown away by a specific outfit to where I feel like I must blog about it, but TODAY is the day!

This Robert Cavalli gown worn by Rachel Bilson is GORRGGEEOOUUSSSSSS!! And it looks gorgeous on her! Her pose, the way the strap is draped over the shoulder, the train- everything about this dress is absolutely luscious and I want it.

That is all!

thoughts.

I want Indian food.
GTC isn't even making me nervous at all, suprisingly.
I dislike my cultural anthropology class very much.
Antony and Cleopatra has TOO MANY SCENES!
I feel refreshed and renewed when I am in a big city.
I really really really need a GPS system.
I hate feeling stagnant.
I want to shop at the Augusta Mall...Sephora is calling my name...
I'm ready for this semester to be over already...good thing I'm about halfway done.
I miss being in a show.
Severely disliking that Eurydice falls on ACTF week. Grr.
I want to travel outside of the U.S. again.
Taking showers is a drudgery to me yet I love the way I feel after!
I wonder if I'll ever settle down in life.
Next semester is my last semester in college ever. The excitement is unbearable!
2 words: Pumpkin pie.

Like a g6.

WHY IS THIS SONG SO CATCHY TO ME?!?! I mean this song really makes no sense, has no great message, it's basically about drinking...

but it just is fun to dance to haha. I am really attracted to techno-like beats. Who knows! It's addicting for some weird reason.

Swirls in my brain!

Ahhhh. It's definitely that time again. Crunch time. The time where my brain is swirling around constantly like a milkshake... last night I couldn't even get to sleep because I just kept thinking about everything I needed to do and get done... it really just is the October syndrome.

October is always rough. It's the month of GTC, general auditions, and when all your classes just get really intense. And when times get this way, I just have to sit and hash everything out. Okay.

Well first of all, Directing class is a major, major stress factor. And right now I'm in the thick of it- the Shakespeare scene. Thank God I have fall break to finish it up before I go to GTC. (It's not even due until I get back, but I want to have the majority of it finished so I am not stressing about it at my audition!)

But it's just something that's always in the back of my mind..like.. I feel like I should be working on my analysis right now instead of blogging. But blogging will clear my mind. I need to do it before bed so I can get some sleep tonight. Jeesh.

Along with directing, I have to do my manifesto for Sr. Sem.... which is basically a large paper in which you have to decide everything you think about what theatre is to you..it's like your personal philosophy so to speak. So that's stressful and always in the back of my mind as well...and then this month we also have to do a separate audition which is the day after General auditions for next semester. You know, for my LAST semester here. My last chance to work on my acting here at CSU. No stress or anything.

Thank God my big projects in my business class and world lit class are going to be over with tomorrow. For world lit I had to do a translation project on Dante's Inferno in which we had to translate a section of it in Italian into English- and present it in a creative fashion. I decided to do a MTV True Life episode. You can view it here.

And in my business class I have to do a powerpoint presentation on the business of acting...which will be interesting. That's literally the only assignment I have in this entire class...the rest of the time we watch other people's presentations. It's the biggest waste of my time. But so it goes.

And now I feel like I'm being barraged with requests for photoshoots- which is really cool and lots of fun, but a photoshoot takes time, especially when the photographer is in Atlanta. I'm super excited though about one I'm doing this weekend with Thomas Dodd- please check out his website here. His stuff is phenomenal!

I actually had a photoshoot today with a local photographer named Sam Burnette. It was really lots of fun! It was a studio session, and I think I got some really neat shots, especially some nice full-body and non-actor headshots to have in my portfolio.

But anyways. I'm just trying to balance everything I NEED to do for school (work on analysis! study!) with the things I WANT to do for my career and life (photoshoots! work on my new website! submit to agencies!)

It's just getting harder to remain motivated to do schoolwork...which for me doesn't mean I'm not going to do it, but it means I will do it begrudgingly...but I will still make sure I produce good work because I can't afford to really slack off now after I've made it this far you know?

Ugh. I just want to be done with this! If it's this bad this early on in the year I can't imagine what the month of April will be like, haha! Oh, senioritis.

New Opportunities!

So I know I mentioned earlier that I was trying to get into some modeling- and now that I have stated my Model Mayhem account I have 3 photoshoots from different photographers in the works this month! I'm really excited about that, because that's going to be lots of fun new pictures that I can keep in my modeling portfolio.

I'm about to submit to agencies in the Atlanta area so that I can possibly earn some supplemental income while I am in school, and then when I graduate it will be easy to commute from Augusta to Atl if need be! I'm really excited about these opportunities!

Oh and I decided that I was going to take up writing for the Saber. So CSU Students- look out for my articles coming soon! I will be writing about fashion/relationships/health, basically what I already blog about all the time. Might as well get paid for it, huh! Haha.

But anyways. Today I'm filming my project for my World Lit Class...we have to translate a portion of Dante's Inferno from Italian into English and then present it creatively- I'm doing a True Life: I'm in Hell documentary type video of one of the damned. I'll post it to Youtube. It will be a sensation I'm sure. bahah!

Well anyways. Life goes on around here. It's about midterms already, (SO BIZARRE)! GTC is coming up soon which is exciting....my directing analysis is due after GTC..ahh.. things that are on my mind!